


A Solo For Two

by outside998



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27374182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outside998/pseuds/outside998
Summary: Tsubasa was a shy and lonely girl. She did not know how to talk to people, let alone make friends. But when suddenly a very persistent woman approached her and talked her into her crazy ideas, her life changed dratically.
Kudos: 12





	1. Changes

Chapter 1: Changes

Tsubasa was sitting by herself in a café. She never was one for conversation or just being around people. At least that's what she told herself. In fact, deep down she wished for nothing more than to be just as outgoing and loud as other girls her age. But she just could not do it. She did not know how to approach people, she did not know how to start a conversation. So, she just sat here, at a table in the corner, drinking her tea and eating her dorayaki. Alone. Like always.

She usually stayed until she was done eating. She had no other reason to come here. She did not hang out with friends. She did not have any to begin with. At school she sat silently, her book on her desk, pen in hand. Copied what the teacher wrote on the chalkboard. She did not talk with anyone in her class. She knew them all by name, sure, but she never had the courage to speak to them.

At first, when the class was newly formed, a few of her classmates greeted her, tried to talk to her. But she stayed silent. Not because she wanted to, but because she was unable to figure out what to say. After a while, the talks stopped. After that, the greetings. And then, the eye contacts. It was as if she did not exist. It was like it always was for her. And so, she lived her school life like she lived her life before that. Alone. Like always.

The walk home was silent. The sun was about to set, and the wind began to cool down. It was the beginning of spring. The birds were singing, children played outside with their friends. Friends. A foreign concept for her. She overheard her classmates talking about plans, about the latest fashion, the hippest bands and actors. They had friends. She did not. She was not popular. She was alone. Like always.

The house she lived in was big. Huge, even. Or so people say. She lived here her entire live. Her grandfather was a powerful man, with a lot of influence and money. Her father was always busy with 'work for the family', as he always called it. Others would call it striving for a tiny bit of acceptance from his father. Tsubasa's grandfather did not think highly of either of his two sons, and he had no problem with voicing this.

Her father especially got the worst of it, every time something did not go how her grandfather wanted it. He got yelled at, has been called useless and a shame for the family. And that was only the case if her grandfather was in a good mood. Otherwise there were threats of disinheritance or expelling him from the family. In trying to satisfy his father's needs, Tsubasa's father in turn neglected his own family.

There was no greeting when she entered her home and made her way to her room. There was no smell of prepared meals. There was no smile, no gentle gestures, no hugs. There was no love in the house. The people living here were no family. They were housemates.

And they were alone. Like always.

Tsubasa threw her bag on the ground. She closed the door to her room and played a CD with her favorite music. It helped her take her mind off of how miserable her life was. When her homework was done, she looked outside to realize that it was already dark outside. She stepped out of her clothes into her nightgown and went to bed. She fell asleep shortly after. Alone. Like always.

The morning silence felt lonely as always. When she woke up the sun was still under the horizon. She stood up, showered, and had breakfast in her room. Her father was still sleeping. That was normal. He most likely worked himself to the bones again for grandfather.

The walk to school was equally as silent. The path she took led her away from the most populated streets. She preferred it that way. Fewer people meant fewer judgmental looks. She already got enough of those at school. Thankfully, that was all she got. She was never a victim of bullying. Most likely because no one noticed her or cared enough about her to even consider bullying her. Or maybe it was the name, and people were scared of the repercussions.

Her school day was like every other: boring, lonely, and way too long. She just wanted to run away from all this. Be by herself instead of being here, surrounded by hundreds of people who did not even know she existed.

She visited this safe haven of hers every day directly after school. Like the day before, and pretty much every other day she could think of, she entered the little café to have her traditional snack and tea. Tsubasa did not even have to order anymore. The waiter just gave her an understanding nod as she took her seat in the usual spot. So, she just sat there, nibbled on her snack, sipped her tea. A day like every other.

Or so it seemed, because suddenly a woman came through the open door, drawing in Tsubasa's eyes. She looked young, Tsubasa's age, maybe a bit older, with red, wild hair, and a bright smile on her face. She wore a tank top and hot pants, showing off her slender legs.

Tsubasa tried not to stare, and so, decided it would be better to intricately study her cup of tea. That would have worked swimmingly, if the woman did not suddenly approach her.

"Hey there", she greeted. Her voice was bright, maybe little hoarse, but pleasant to listen to.

"Mind if I sit down?"

Tsubasa didn't answer. She did not want to answer. If she was honest, she wanted to ignore the woman until she disappeared.

"I noticed you are sitting here all by yourself", she said as the took her seat in front of Tsubasa. "Excuse me, I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Kanade. What's yours?"

Kanade. Like the character of that one fairy tale Tsubasa loved so much as a little kid.

"The silent type, huh?" Kanade smiled. "That's fine."

Tsubasa threw little glances towards the girl opposite her, secretly hoping that she will just go away.

And yet she stayed.

Kanade grinned. Honestly, it started to make Tsubasa nervous. She took a quick bite from her dorayaki and gulped down the rest of her still very hot tea.

She slammed a few Yen on the table and stormed out of the café.

She could here Kanade yell behind her. But she ignored her. Quickly she took the usual, secluded path to her home, when she heard footsteps approaching.

"Hey, where are you going?"

Kanade followed her. Great.

She could hear the steps slowing down as she drew closer, but she did not turn around to acknowledge her.

"You know, you are really strange."

That does it. Tsubasa stopped suddenly and turned around, an angry expression on her face. "I am strange? You are the one who just walked up to me and chewed my ear off!"

Kanade's face began to beam. "So you do have a voice!"

Tsubasa could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks.

"I was afraid you might be one of those mutes or shut-ins you read about. Oh, and I did not chew your ear off, I just thought you looked interesting and wanted to get to know you. How is that strange?"

Tsubasa thought about it. Maybe Kanade was right. She wouldn't know. She had no idea how human interactions work. "I'm sorry", Tsubasa whispered.

The red-head tilted her head in confusion. "Sorry for what?"

"For raising my voice. It was uncalled for."

A little giggle escaped the taller woman. "Hey, it's fine."

"No, it's not", Tsubasa argued, "you just wanted to be friendly and I just tried to push you away." Then, much quieter, she added, "I always do that."

She thought she was quite enough so that Kanade would not hear her, but she did. "Trouble with people, huh? Yeah, I get you."

"You do?" She felt a little prick of… something inside her. Hope, maybe?

Kanade nodded. "Yeah. Believe it or not, I was once just like you: A shy, introverted little girl, no friends, an uncaring family, all that jazz. But you know what happened?"

Tsubasa shook her head.

"I made a friend. There was this one person who just would not leave me alone, no matter what I did. And sooner or later we hung out. I got to know stuff I never knew even existed until then."

A little smile spread over Tsubasa's lips.

"And when I saw you sitting there… I don't know, I guess you reminded me of myself."

"And now you want to do the same thing for me?"

Kanade pointed a finger pistol at her and clicked her tongue. "You're sharp. I like that. Yeah, sometimes one just needs a kick in the ass. I know I did."

Tsubasa laughed. Her first honest laugh in years.

"So, tell you what, how about we meet up here again tomorrow? We can hang out, talk, do stuff. How does that sound?"

She let that thought rest a bit in her brain. Kanade seemed like a nice person, and she could have been her ticket out of that monotony and into the life she always wanted: fun, friends, excitement. Sounded good. "Sure", was her short, but thrilled, reply.

Kanade's grin grew even wider, if that was possible. "Fuck, yeah, that's the right answer. So, I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Tsubasa reciprocated her smile with a much smaller one. "Yeah, tomorrow."

And so, Tsubasa watched Kanade disappear in the distance before turning around to head back home. Today was a good day. Today, she made a friend.


	2. New World

Chapter 2: New World

The rest of the day was rather uneventful, but still the best day she ever had. She was happy, happier that she ever felt. Every second thought went back to the girl she met a few hours ago. What was she doing now? What did she like to eat? What kind of music did she like? Maybe she was a fan of B'z, like Tsubasa? Her mind flew through thousands of scenarios. She could hardly await the next day.

When it arrived, she swung herself out of bed. School could not have come early enough, so it can be over just as quick. And then she'd spent time with Kanade.

To her surprise, the girl was already waiting for her at their designated place. "Kanade?", she asked confused.

Kanade smiled brightly at the mentioning of her name. "Hey, Tsubasa! There you are. I was waiting."

"What… what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? We said we'd meet up here, remember?"

"Yeah, and I was looking forward to it, but…" the grip around the strap of her bag tightened, "I thought after school."

Kanade's eyes wandered upwards as she thought for a second. "You're right, I guess we never talked about what time we are going to meet."

Tsubasa looked to the ground shamefully, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it wasn't your fault. But now that I'm already here, how about we hang out?"

"But I have to go to school."

Kanade carried a crooked grin, and without a second thought replied: "Just ditch it then."

Tsubasa stumbled over her words in shock. "I… wha… hu? I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because I'd get in trouble! What if someone sees me?"

"We just have to be careful not to get spotted."

Tsubasa was torn. She never in her life skipped school. The thought never even occurred to her. She knew how important a good education was. Her family always told her to make something out of herself, and that could only happen if she visited school every day. But, on the other hand, Kanade was the first person she could consider a friend. She was the only person who knew how to talk to her and the only person Tsubasa could talk to. And she was scared of losing her.

"Come on," Kanade said, "one time. Ain't no biggie, I promise."

"But what about my dad? The school will contact him."

"So? What's the worst that could happen? Him yelling at you? We are going to have fun. I am pulling you out of your shell. If your father can't accept that, then fuck him."

"Would you please not talk about my dad like that?"

Kanade raised her hands in defeat. "Okay, okay, I get it. Daddy's little girl does not want him to be mad at her and send her to bed without dinner."

That struck a nerve in her. Her voice was meek as she said: "We don't have dinner together. He is just working all the time."

"So, in other words, he does not care about you."

"That's not true", Tsubasa pleaded. She was close to tears.

"Oh yeah? It does sound to me like that."

She could feel the anger swell up inside her. "Well, I'll show you! Come to my house later! You'll see."

The smug grin on Kanade's face was huge. "Deal. But let's go now. The day is young and so are we!" And with that, Kanade walked ahead, forcing Tsubasa to catch up if she did want to lose sight of her.

"Where are we going?"

"Akihabara."

"What? But it's full of people!"

"So?"

"I am not good with people!"

A knowing laugh escaped Kanade. "Trust me, I noticed. And that's why we are doing it. You need to see shit. Live a little."

"I've never been to Akihabara."

"But you've seen pictures, right?"

She nodded, then realized that Kanade obviously did not have eyes on the back of her head and answered: "Of course."

"Anything on those pics caught your eye?"

Tsubasa tried to remember the pictures. It's been a while since she looked up photos of the streets. But one building stayed in her mind vividly: "The Club Sega Arcade."

"The red behemoth. Sure, let's go there. You got money, right?"

"A bit, yeah. I got my allowance last week."

The subway was extremely crowded, like always. People pushed, pulled, and shoved in every corner. Tsubasa could feel her anxiety increase. Her heartbeat pushed itself into her throat.

Noticing this, Kanade stopped next to Tsubasa at the bottom of the stairs leading to the station platform of the subway. "You okay?"

Tsubasa's eyes darted like spotlights over the crowd of strangers before her. Her hands were damp and her breathing fastened with every face she scanned.

"Hello? Tsubasa? You there?", she asked, waving a hand in front of Tsubasa's face.

"I… I don't think I can do this", she forced out. The lump in her throat seemed to grow larger with every second, forcing her to swallow hard.

Kanade sighed. "We are doing this so you can get over that shit, remember?"

"I know, but…" A woman in a business suit bumped into her, interrupting her train of thought.

Kanade, voice filled with rage, yelled after the woman: "Hey, watch where you're going, dumb cunt!"

Her choice of words made Tsubasa gasp and widen her eyes in shock. She turned back to the woman, expecting her to run back and give both of them a piece of her mind.

But the woman just moved on, her mind most likely so filled with all the work waiting for her, she did not even hear Kanade. She probably did not even notice bumping into Tsubasa.

Kanade huffed. "Some people, honestly…"

"This was a bad idea. Let's go home", the blue-haired girl pleaded.

At this moment, their train arrived, on time like usual. Kanade shook her head and walked towards the opening doors. "Well, I'm going. It's your decision if you come or not, but remember, if you don't you'll miss this once-in-a-lifetime chance."

Tsubasa yelled after her to come back, but to no avail; she already boarded the train. For a few breaths, she stood at the bottom of the stairs, unsure what to do. She could just go back to school, think of an excuse on why she was so late. If the teachers even noticed her absence.

But then Kanade would be disappointed. After all, she was doing all that to help her. Did she really want to put this friendship in jeopardy, the first and only she ever had?

No.

Tsubasa took a few deep breaths, steeled her nerves and entered the train. The doors closed behind her. Now there will be no turning back.

Tsubasa could not see her friend in the crowd, but she knew she was in here somewhere. At least she was able to acquire an empty seat, saving her the stress of being locked in between people. She liked being able to breathe, thank you very much, and her butt is safe from the potential molesters she read and heard about. Hopefully, Kanade was equally as lucky.

They both knew their stop, so when they reached it after a few minutes, Tsubasa just had to wait for Kanade to push herself out of the train between two men.

"Man, I never get used to those rides. You okay?"

Tsubasa giggled softly. "Yeah, thanks. It was not as bad as I thought."

"You see? I told you so." She pointed to the stairs leading up to the street, "Let's go have some fun then."

The wave of noise washing over her as she reached the street was almost deafening. The sidewalks were nowhere near as densely packed with people as she'd expected, although there were still many on them. But the cars rushing by, the advertisements playing on every corner and building, and the different music blaring out of every store, were all threatening to give her a sensory overload.

"Woah", she whispered, her eyes huge to take in every little detail.

"Amazing, isn't it?"

Tsubasa couldn't do anything but nod. She was absolutely speechless. Her vision scanned over the buildings and multiple names – some familiar, some she never heard of - and finally, she saw the big red building at the corner of the street, its blue letters silently screaming at every passerby.

"There it is", Kanade said, pointing to the building that Tsubasa had been looking at, "the arcade you wanted to go to so badly."

Tsubasa took a careful step forwards, her eyes glued to her destination. The building was on the opposite side of the street, so the first thing she had to find was, of course, a traffic light. Almost unwillingly, she pulled her vision away from the building and looked around. She noticed one at a crossroad, conveniently next to the arcade.

"Someone is excited", Kanade teased.

She might be, but Tsubasa was still very careful when walking past people. Whenever she passed someone, she made sure to turn and twist her body far enough that absolutely no accidental physical contact was possible. She held her breath and turned her gaze downwards with every person that walked past her.

She did not have to wait long at the traffic light, a few seconds at most. But her heart pounded and her mind went into overdrive that the short waiting felt like minutes. As soon as the light allowed, she crossed the street with quick steps and finally reached her destination.

The building stood six stories tall and open fronted, inviting anyone inside who might have some time and money on their hands. The music coming out of it was energetic, but not annoying. The colors and sounds inside aroused Tsubasa's curiosity.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

She turned to Kanade. Her smile was encouraging, giving her the strength to take the first step into the building.

The first thing she noticed were the advertisements. At the stairs leading up to the next floors, in the small walkway flanked by crane games, in the glass displays in the corners.

Everywhere she turned she saw bright colors, anime characters, most from an idol show she'd heard much about, and large letters.

A few steps deeper into the building there were crane games everywhere, filled with little plushies. There were stuffed Pokémon, figurines from popular shows and games, bags… Tsubasa was not sure where to look first.

"This is amazing", she whispered in awe.

Kanade giggled. "And that's only the first floor. We got five more to go."

When she said that, Tsubasa felt her breath shorten. Five more floors? She'd completely forgot that there was still building left to explore in her excitement.

For a short, fabulous while she forgot she was in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strangers.

Suddenly, the temple of joys and wonders she had entered felt like a prison to her, the walls seemingly getting closer. She knew it wasn't the case, but something in her mind still told her she needed to get out of here.

She turned around and, as fast as lightning, bolted past Kanade towards the exit.

"Was it too much for you?", Kanade asked, concern apparent in her voice.

The fresh air outside hit the young girl like a tidal wave. She took quick, hectic breaths. The world spun before her eyes, and she had to fight down the blackness trying to creep into her field of vision.

"Sorry", Kanade said as she forced herself into Tsubasa's field of vision, "I didn't mean to give you a panic attack."

Tsubasa forced herself to calm her breathing. She shook her head. "I'm okay. Just… just not used to this."

She could feel her muscles relax, her heartbeat slowing down. But then Kanade looked to her left and uttered a concerned: "Oh no…"

And her heart jumped into her throat again. "What's wrong?", she asked, turning her head to follow her friend's view, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

Just a regular crowd of regular people doing regular things. Well, there were two men talking to each other at a gumball machine a few meters down the street from the them, looking in her direction.

But they looked completely normal.

"You see those two guys at the gumball machine over there?" Kanade asked with a whisper.

Tsubasa nodded carefully. She decided whatever alarmed Kanade, it would be better if she acted like she was unaware of any potential danger.

"Those two are from my school. They are part of the faculty. We have to get out of here." She took careful steps back to not alarm the two men.

"Why?" Tsubasa asked, following her friend equally as carefully.

"We are skipping school, remember? Do you know what would happen if they recognize us as students?"

Tsubasa's eyes widened when it hit her. Should they contact the school or even the police… "We'd be in trouble."

Kanade nodded. "Deep shit would be my choice of words, but yeah." And suddenly, she turned around and ran, as fast as she could.

Completely out of reflex, Tsubasa wanted to yell after her, but stopped herself just in time. She turned around to the men at the machine, and with shock saw them moving towards her.

She never ran so fast and long in her entire life. She never was the athletic type. In PE, if the activity demanded the class divided into teams, she was always picked last. Never putting much effort into those practices and events, she was almost always last place. She never saw a reason for physical activities.

But now there was a reason to run. A very good one. If those two men caught her and informed the school – or worse, her father – who knows what trouble would await her.

She ran down the road she assumed Kanade at. She lost sight of her the moment the red-head tried to escape the two men. Tsubasa's legs grew heavy and her lung burned when she heard a little yell out of a small alleyway. She stopped to look where the sound came from and discovered her friend in the shadows.

"Did we lose them", Kanade asked.

Tsubasa looked back the road she came from. No pursuers. She nodded. "Yeah, seems like it."

With a sigh of relief, Kanade stepped out of the alley and next to her friend. "Way too close", she said with a smile.

"What are we going to do now?", Tsubasa asked nervously.

"Well", Kanade said, combing her hand through her hair, "the arcade is out of the question. If you want we can walk and talk for a bit."

Tsubasa stole a quick glance back down the road, just in case the men had decided to follow them. They hadn't. She nodded. "Sure, that sounds nice."


	3. The Talk

Chapter 3: The Talk

The walk allowed Tsubasa to calm her nerves. She was still not used to being outside, in a foreign part of the city, and the danger of getting busted for skipping school only added to the stress.

The warm, gentle breeze blowing over the Chidorigafuchi Park hit her face and filled her lungs. It helped her forget. She was now walking besides her friend down the sandy walkway without any real destination.

Friend.

The word filled her with euphoria. She had a friend. Kanade was her friend. The more she thought about it the more it seemed like a dream to her, but no, when she looked to her left, there she was, with her red, wild hair, athletic figure bright smile. She was everything Tsubasa dreamed to be.

Dreamed to be herself, she corrected her thoughts.

"We could not have picked a better day", the redhead said, pulling Tsubasa out of her thoughts.

"Y-Yeah", Tsubasa stuttered.

Kanade was right, the weather was lovely. The sun stood high, spreading its warmth all throughout the country, and the sky was without a cloud. It was painted in the prettiest blue Tsubasa had ever seen. The wind was silent, and whenever it passed her, it carried the smell of the blossoming cherry trees surrounding them with it.

The park was well-visited as well, with people walking and chatting everywhere Tsubasa looked.

"So, tell me about yourself", Kanade said.

"What… what do you want to know?", the younger girl said. So, it was this kind of talk. She hated talking about herself. It made her aware of her many shortcomings as a person.

Kanade scratched her cheek in thought. "Hm, I don't know… what do you like to do in your free time?"

"Reading and learning", she replied.

"Learning?", Kanade asked, her voice full of genuine shock, "that's not free time, that's work. I meant hobbies."

Tsubasa's face fell. "I… I don't have any hobbies."

"Really? Not going out with friends and such?"

A weak shake of her head, followed by: "I don't have friends. Besides you."

Kanade sighed sadly. "I'm sorry." She approached one of the metal railings framing the sandy walkway and took a seat. Tsubasa emulated her.

"How come?", the older girl asked, her voice almost a whisper.

Because I am weird was the first answer coming to her mind. And it was quite possibly the most honest answer in her eyes. The only reason she decided on another was that she did not want to worry Kanade.

"Because I am different", she decided to say.

Kanade looked at her with concern. She waited for Tsubasa to elaborate, but when she realized that she will likely not do it on her own volition, she asked: "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't have the interests other girls my age have. I hear them talk sometimes, at lunch. They talk about fashion, about going out, about where they went and where they want to go, about who is cute in what boy group…"

A gentle smile creeped its way on Kanade's face.

"…and I am just sitting there, and I can't relate to any of this. I just want to be alone, at home, but at the same time, I want to be a part of that."

The smile on her face grew wider and warmer.

"I know it doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry."

A warm laugh came from Kanade, making Tsubasa throw her a surprised look. "You make a lot of sense, actually. I've seen how you react around people. May I make an assumption?"

Still a little bit puzzled, Tsubasa nodded.

"Maybe your interests just lie elsewhere. You want to have friends, but not necessarily the ones in your class."

"What do you mean?"

"It's quite easy, really. You said you can't relate, right?"

A second confused nod came from the younger girl.

"And there is your answer. I believe you just want to be part of the girls in class to belong anywhere, but would you really belong if you do not share interests with them?"

Tsubasa stayed quiet, but the gears in her head turned.

"Let me answer for you", Kanade continued, "No, you would not. You would feel just as alone and empty, you just changed the cause of those feelings."

Tsubasa thought about what she said. Maybe she was right. But she was so starved for friends and affection that she would play along. How bad could it be? Would beat being alone all the time.

"You would only betray yourself", Kanade continued, as if she read Tsubasa's mind, "and you could never achieve happiness that way."

A sigh came from the younger girl. "Maybe I am just not cut out for having friends. I should just stick to my books."

"That's bullshit", Kanade replied, maybe a bit angry, "everyone can make friends. You just have to find the right people. And besides, I thought I was your friend."

"Of course you are", Tsubasa almost yelled.

"You see", the redhead answered with a sly grin, "you are cut out for having friends. It does not matter how many you have, it matters how good friends they are."

For a moment the two stayed silent, giving Tsubasa a bit of time to think about everything they talked about.

"Oh, by the way", Kanade suddenly began, "can I ask you a personal question?"

The confusion on Tsubasa's face was obvious. "I thought we already are talking about personal stuff."

Kanade rolled her eyes. "Okay, more personal then. There was something you said that stood out to me."

Tsubasa racked her brain. What did she say? She honestly could not remember.

But then Kanade asked a question that shook Tsubasa to the core: "Are you gay?"

Tsubasa could almost feel her heart stop. A cold shiver went down her spine as her breath got stuck in her throat. When she was finally able to speak, her voice came out as a whisper: "What… how… why do you think that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I just noticed you said you could not relate when girls in your class talked about cute boys."

Tsubasa opened her mouth to speak, protest, scream, anything! But her voice failed her.

"And", Kanade added, twisting the metaphorical knife deeper into her, "I noticed a few glances you threw my way when we met."

A truck hitting her with 180 miles an hour would not have half the impact Kanade's sentences had. Her mind was completely blank for a second, only to scream in panic shortly after.

"But… me… I'm not!", she protested. Her face was bead red, her hands fidgeting in her lap.

"Hey, there is nothing wrong with it."

"There is! It's unnatural", she yelled. People walking past her stopped and gave her some judgmental and sometimes concerned looks.

The smile on Kanade's face was sad, her voice filled with sorrow. "No, it's not. It's what you are. You are not unnatural, believe me."

Tsubasa felt the heat of her tears running down her cheeks. "But my dad said…"

"Who gives a crap what your dad said?"

"I do", Tsubasa yelled again, her voice breaking. "He expects me to get married, to have children. I am supposed to continue our family's bloodline. I can't do that when I'm…"

"Oh, boy", the redhead sighed. She slowly understood where Tsubasa's problems had their roots. "Your parents are pretty conservative, aren't they?"

"My grandfather and my father are. My uncle is actually pretty cool, but we don't have much contact."

"And your mother?"

The moment the question left Kanade's mouth, Tsubasa's face fell. "She… she's gone."

Her friend fell silent for a long second. When she finally spoke, she whispered: "I'm sorry." She did not ask what happened, which Tsubasa was thankful for, as the wounds in her heart created by her mother's death never healed. She just learned to live with them.

"And how do you think your mom would take it?"

Tsubasa lifted her head to look up towards the sky, wondering if her mother is watching her right now from above. She wiped the dried up tears from her cheeks and sighed. "I don't know. I was very young when she passed. I hardly have any memory of my time with her. But the few images I have in my head always show her smiling at me."

"Seems to me like she loved you very much."

The younger girl nodded crestfallen.

"You know, I think she would have been fine with it", Kanade said, back to her usually happy and carefree self.

"You think so", Tsubasa asked, carefully optimistic and sceptic at the same time.

Kanade gave her the biggest grin she could muster. "Absolutely. Which mother does not love her child? She seemed like she wanted you to be happy."

Being happy. Is that really something her life had in store for her? She was not sure. Her family had expectations. She was the one to carry the family name. She had to be the perfect woman. To a man. Otherwise she would not be perfect, right?

Right?

"I can guess what you're thinking right now", Kanade said, "stop it."

Tsubasa could do nothing more than look at Kanade in surprise. She was about to protest, telling her she was wrong, but her friend already continued.

"Don't think about what your family expects of you! The only thing that should matter is whether or not you are happy with how thing are now and how they will be when you continue down this path."

"You don't understand", the younger girl protested. She stood up from the railing, the tension in her body too much to bear. "It's my family we are speaking of. They will never accept it! I have to be perfect! I have to be special!" Tsubasa could hear her voice break during that last sentence.

A humorless laugh came from the redhead, sounding equal parts ridiculing and commiserating. "Special? Is that what they told you?" She patted the railing besides her and waited for Tsubasa to sit down again before continuing: "Look at the people in the park."

Tsubasa was confused but decided to do as she was asked, studying the people walking to and fro. Some young, some old. Couples, single people, men, women. Some relaxed, some tense. She saw people listening to music on their phones, others in conversation. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Before she could ask what she was supposed to see, Kanade spoke: "Did any single one of those stand out to you?"

Tsubasa silently shook her head.

"I figured. But every single one of those people heard the same thing in their childhood: Be special. The problem is just that. When everyone is special, no one is."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Don't try to be special. Just be yourself! You told me that your family wants you to be perfect, but that's absolutely impossible. You are human, and as such flawed. But that's what makes you who you are. Everyone in the world has flaws. Me, you, the people here in the park, your father. They are not a fault. They are what makes us human. They are beauty marks, if you will."

"Easy for you to say", Tsubasa sighed. "I never learned to be myself. I was always just supposed to fit into the role my family decided for me."

Kanade studied her friend silently for a few seconds. She was unsure what else to say and decided that it was best to let Tsubasa's mind rest on their conversation a bit. So she stood up from the railing and said: "Well, I don't know about you, but my butt is getting pretty tired sitting on this thin metal beam. What do you say we walk around a bit again?"

Tsubasa nodded. That sounded like a good idea right about now.


	4. Home, Sweet Home

She was unaware how long she was out with her friend, but it must have been a few hours at least, as the sun was already past its highest point in the sky. An hour more maybe, and the sky would turn this lovely orange she liked so much.

The two were spending their time walking through the city, seeing buildings and visiting stores just to browse and buy a snack or two. Kanade was less talkative during that time, most likely to give Tsubasa time to think about their conversation in the park, which she was thankful for, as it was a lot to think about.

Now they were approaching Tsubasa's home. As promised, Kanade would meet her father and see how she lived. She told her not to be too excited, as there is not a lot to see, but the redhead replied: "Don't say that. At least I will meet your father, give him a piece of my mind."

"Please don't", Tsubasa sighed.

When they reached Tusbasa's house and the younger girl stepped onto the premises, Kanade let out a surprised whistle.

"Damn, that's a nice house!"

'House' would honestly the wrong word for what presented itself in front of the astonished girl. The building was more a mansion. A large facade, spanning to the left and right so far Kanade had to turn her head to see the edges, and the roof so high she had to crane her neck to see it. It was surrounded by a high, massive wall, blocking the curious eyes of the undeserving and lesser people in this town.

The grass was spotless, flawless even. Every stalk of grass seemed to have been cut with a ruler and scalpel.

The walkway was clean and made entirely out of marble. Other people would pay a fortune for a little sculpture forged out of the valuable stone, and Tsubasa was just walking over it without even acknowledging its existence.

The inside of the house was similarly pompous. The hallway was wide and high; the doors to each room standing equally as tall and gargantuan, like bouncers guarding the most valuable treasure known to man. The rooms behind them must have been filled to the brim with curiosities and extravagant items.

Tsubasa lead Kanade to a room at the end of the hallway, and when she opened the door to let her friend in, Kanade stopped dead in her tracks.

Her room was a mess. Books, CD cases, sculptures, underwear. Everything was thrown into the room without a second thought. On the floor, the bed; the freaking ceiling fan had a bra stuck to one of its wings. The entire scene looked like something out of a cartoon.

"Sorry. It's a little bit messy. I didn't have time to clean up yet", the blue haired girl said embarrassed.

Kanade let out a sarcastic laugh. "A bit is right. Looks like you didn't have time for a year or so."

"Yeah, yeah", Tsubasa sighed, "just get in."

She did not have to tell her twice. Excited, she stepped into her surprisingly dark room and began looking around. Even with all the stuff lying around - or maybe because - the redhead enjoyed snooping through her room.

It was windowless and cut in a weird shape, and all the stuff on the floor and furniture added to the difficulty of grasping the true dimensions of the room. It seemed small, compared to how the house presented itself, but big enough for one person to live in.

A gentle giggle came from the blue haired girl. "You know, you could turn on the light. Maybe you can rummage through my stuff a bit better then." And with a quick flick of her wrist she flipped the light switch, illuminating the bulb in the middle of the ceiling fan.

"Rummage?", Kanade replied with acted surprise, "please, my lady, I was merely observing."

Her surprisingly goofy act made Tsubasa explode with laughter, and Kanade joined in a second later.

"But seriously", the redhead continued after catching her breath, "you are kind of a music buff, aren't you? I see CDs of Gakt, B'z, and even some foreign bands like Hammerfall."

"I know, it's weird, but I really like this kind of music", Tsubasa replied, scratching her cheek.

Kanade gave her an almost shocked expression. "Weird? Oh, no, not at all! I think it's cool. It's another side of you I did not know yet."

"Really? I listen to it when I want to lock out the world a bit; sort my thoughts."

Kanade opened her mouth to reply, but a knock coming from the door interrupted her.

"Tsubasa? Are you home?"

It was her father. Tsubasa's eyes darted between Kanade and the door, unsure of what to do, but Kanade signed her to go and talk to him.

So, she stepped to the door and opened it.

"H-hello, father", she stuttered.

He stood before her, arms folded, a stern look on his face. Out of reflex, she stepped back a bit, and her father seemed to interpret this as an invitation to come in, as he stomped into her room and told her to sit on her office chair at her desk in the corner.

"I got a call from school today", he begun, in his typical scolding tone he always used towards her. "Where were you?"

"I… we…", she begun, her tongue stumbling over itself and her brain sending white noise.

"Stop stuttering," he yelled, pointing his finger directly into her face, making his daughter flinch, "You skipped school? Really? You're lucky if your grandfather doesn't find out about that, which he will. Do you not know what is expected of you, not to mention how much money this school costs?"

She wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn't. Not to her father.

"You are a Kazanari, for heaven's sake! You should be proud of this family, of the opportunities you have! Instead you do stuff like this! Do you realize what the staff at your school will think of us now?"

No, she didn't.

"No, you don't. Why would you? You don't care apparently." He combed his fingers through his greying hair and sighed. "Tomorrow I will drive you to school."

Tsubasa's eyes widened. "But… why?"

"So I can make sure you don't skip school again", he replied in a condescending tone. He turned around and got ready to leave the room. At the door he stopped and said without appreciating a look towards her: "Your dinner is in the fridge. You will stay in your room for today."

As the door closed and his steps grew distant, Tsubasa began to cry. Her tears felt hot like lava, her voice broke and yelled for relieve, her body trembled as if struck at the core.

Kanade stood beside her. She looked at the door with an angry expression, as if trying to put a curse on the man who just left.

"I hate him."

Tsubasa lifted her face out of her palms and looked at her friend with puffy eyes.

"That's no way to speak to you. Who does he think he is?", Kanade spat out.

"But he is right", the blue haired girl replied. "I should not have done that."

Almost as quick as lightning Kanade came up to her and fell on her knees next to her crying friend. "No, you're wrong. What you did was important. You gained strength."

"How? I feel worse than ever now!" Her voice broke as she began crying again.

"Because he yelled at you for no reason."

"No reason?", Tsubasa asked, "what do you mean 'no reason'? I skipped school!"

"You experienced something new! You tried to change yourself! That's more important then one lousy day at school."

Tsubasa wiped the remaining tears from her cheek. "You… you think so?"

"Hey, you had fun, didn't you?"

The younger girl nodded. Yes, she had fun. The most fun she ever had, in fact.

Kanade spread her arms demonstratively. "You see? Your father clearly does not care about you, I told you that before."

Tsubasa could feel a little bit of rage boiling up inside her. "I told you not to say that. You are wrong! He does care. Why would he scold me otherwise?"

Kanade gave her a sad look, as if her question deserved pity. "He did not do it because he was concerned about you. He said it himself, it was because of your name. You brought - so he says - shame over the family. Nothing more."

A tiny part of her still hung to the fleeting hope that Kanade was wrong. She shook her head. "No, I don't believe you."

"Okay, then let me ask you this: What was the first thing he said to you when he came in?"

Tsubasa stayed silent. She did not want Kanade to be right.

"He said 'where were you'. Not 'are you alright' or 'What happened to you'. You never skipped school before. Any other parent would be sick with worry. But he just waltzed in here and demanded an answer to where you were. He did not care about something maybe happening to you."

Again, Tsubasa said nothing. She did not even look at her friend, too weak to keep looking into those strong eyes.

"And me?", the red head continued, flailing her arms around, "he did not even acknowledge me! I came in with you! He did not ask me if I had something to do with it, a person he never met before. He did not greet me, Hell, he did not even really look at me!"

Kanade lowered her arms and sighed dejected. She again took a knee next to Tsubasa and said: "Guess I'll be going. Think about what I said, okay?"

Tsubasa let out a breath she did not know she held and got up to open the door for her friend. Kanade stepped out of the room and turned around. "I'll find the exit myself. You just stay in your room. Let's not give your father any more reasons to jump your throat."

The younger girl nodded bitter. She gave her friend a final goodbye and closed the door to her room. She had a lot of thinking to do.


	5. Surprise

A jolt of surprise went through her body when she was awoken rudely by her father. She rubbed her eyes, trying to orient herself.

She apparently did not sleep in her bed, as her back was crying in pain from the very uncomfortable position she slept in on her desk. She did not even remember falling asleep.

She recalled that she cried a bit again after Kanade left. She sat down on her chair and cursed herself, her friend, and her father. After all, someone was to blame, right? That was the last thing she remembered before being woken by her dad.

Neither of the two spoke a word to one another as they went through their morning routine. Not that this was very different from their other mornings, but this day, of course, after what happened, carried a very heavy atmosphere with it.

The air was cold out. Too cold for this time of year, honestly. It felt like the world itself shivered from the tension between Tsubasa and her father. The sky was thick with clouds, hanging over them like grey, judging eyes.

The drive to the school was as uneventful as silent. Tsubasa thought about turning on the radio to have at least some music to kill the unbearable quietude, but she was afraid that this would give her father a reason to start speaking, and she really did not want to hear a word from him right now.

Arriving at school, her classroom teacher was waiting for her at the school entrance. She mustered Tsubasa with a mix of anger and worry as she left the car. Her father did not, he stayed in the vehicle and regarded his daughter with a stern look as she stepped up to the teacher and greeted her carefully.

Her teacher extended her hand towards the school and Tsubasa followed her invitation. Both of them turned around while walking to see her father drive off, apparently content with having his daughter supervised.

"Is everything okay", the teacher suddenly asked.

Tsubasa was stumped for a second. She did not expect her to say anything, let alone show concern for her. "Um… sure, yeah", she answered.

But her teacher threw her an uneasy look. She knew Tsubasa. She was quiet, an outsider. But she was very good in her academics and never skipped a day of school. Something was up with her, she knew that, so she decided to keep an eye on the young girl.

The fellow students in the classroom did not say anything when she entered. No questions, no whispered remarks. She also got no weird looks from them, as they most likely did not even notice she was gone yesterday. So, she quietly sat down on her table next to the window, like every day.

Tsubasa did not know how much she missed yesterday, but judging by the topics her teacher glanced over, it did not seem to be anything significant. Everything seemed as if she was never gone. And in a way, she liked it that way. Sure, yesterday was exciting, new, but she likes the routine of her boring life just as much. It's what she is used to, after all.

As such, the first class passed by pretty uneventful. The teacher wrote stuff on the board, she copied it into her notebook. The teacher gave out pages with questions and terms, and she answered them. Every now and then, her mind wandered off to the previous day: The subway ride and the people; the music blaring from every corner. She had fun, even if they weren't able to do what they set out to do. Maybe they could go again sometime, maybe on a Sunday.

She finished her page quickly and correctly, as expected of a Kazanari. Her teacher had no more topics for her to work through at the moment, so she decided to enjoy the view from her window. The classroom was in the second floor, and from her seat she could see all the way down to the schoolyard, with its large circular fountain in the middle and the beautiful trees standing on the corners of the four walkways leading up to said spring. The wind still went rather strong, as indicated by the shaking leaves.

She enjoyed the view a lot. When it was class and everyone was inside the building, the whole picture looked almost magical, similar to a painting. Too beautiful to be real. And so fragile that the mere presence of people destroyed it.

Which is why she felt a sting of discontent as she saw a person walk over the yard, seemingly searching for something or someone.

Tsubasa was almost furious, as ridiculous as she herself thought her feeling to be. Didn't this student down there know that she was defiling her favorite view? Not only was her existence unwanted, but her appearance clashed with her surroundings. Her red hair alone did not go well with the green trees. If she could, Tsubasa would open a window and tell her to fu-

Wait.

Red hair?

Tsubasa almost jumped out of her chair when she realized who was walking down there. "Kanade", she whispered in shock.

"Kazanari-san", came the voice of her teacher, "what's wrong?" Quickly, she stepped to the window to take a look out herself. A few students echoed her movement.

But it was too late. When Tsubasa looked back to the yard, there was no Kanade anywhere. Seemed like she went inside the building. Maybe for the better, who knows what trouble she would have gotten into if she was caught.

But what was she doing here anyway?

Was she following her as she was driven by her dad? Or did she just try her luck in the next school nearby? Possible, Kanade knew which way she took to school every day, and the uniform she had to wear was a dead giveaway.

"Nothing", the young girl answered quietly, "sorry. I just thought I saw something…"

And here came the whispers. Tsubasa spoke rarely in class; in general, really. So, her sudden and unprecedented behavior must of course have enticed her classmates to gossip. Great. Just what she needed.

Then came the lunch break. Like every day, the young girl took her little box with food and walked down to the far corner of the yard, far away from the fountain, the main gathering spot for the students of the school. She sat down on the grass, underneath one of the large trees, and prepared for lunch.

She was chewing on a piece of sausage, when a familiar voice called out to her: "Hey, there you are!"

Tsubasa almost choked on her food.

"I was looking for you all over", Kanade cheerfully said, as she sat down next to her.

Couching still and with strained voice, the younger girl asked: "What are you doing here?"

"What? Can't visit my best friend anymore?" The redhead locked her hands behind her head and rested against the tree.

Tsubasa's eyes darted across the yard, fearful of any eyes directed towards the two. "Are you insane", she whispered, "do you know what will happen when a teacher sees you?"

"What can they do? Kick me out? Man, am I scared."

Tsubasa decided to get back to her lunch and ignore what her friend had to say. The scolding form last night was still fresh in her mind, and she did not want to experience that again.

"Wanna ditch this place?"

She regarded her friend with a look of disbelieve. "You can't be serious! You saw what happened. I don't want to go through that again. No way."

Kanade snorted. "You really are a prim and proper daddy's girl, huh?"

Tsubasa took another bite from her food. "No, I just don't want to jeopardize what was given to me, okay?"

"Goddamn", Kanade spat out, "listen to yourself. You sound just like your dad last night. I thought you wanted to not be like him!"

Tsubasa jammed her box of food down onto the grass with such force that the rice spilled everywhere. "No", she argued loudly, "I wanted to see something new, change myself. I never said that I wanted to turn my back on my family!"

Her friend seemed to be unimpressed. She rolled her eyes with a sigh and stood up from the tree. "I'll come back when you cooled your head a bit. Seems like you're still hung up on the scolding from yesterday."

As Kanade left the proximity, Tsubasa dared a careful look around. She could see a few pairs of eyes looking in her direction, regarding her with a mix of pity and judgment. She ignored them, she was used to those types of looks. What she wasn't used to, however, was her teacher looking at her from across the yard, cellphone on her ear.

Tsubasa sighed. She was talking to her father. She was sure of it. A complete stranger to the school suddenly showed up and talked to the daughter of the most influential family of Japan, a day after said daughter skipped school for unknown reasons. Could this get any worse?

On her way back to the classroom Tsubasa found herself being stopped by her teacher in the hallway.

"Excuse me, Kazanari-san?"

For a second, Tsubasa honestly thought about pretending not to hear her. But, considering she would see her teacher in class anyway, she decided to react: "Yes? How can I help you?"

Her teacher led her over to the windows, letting the rest of the students walk past. "Who were you talking to?"

And there was the question she feared. Should she answer honestly? What would her teacher tell her father? What about Kanade? Would she get in trouble too? She needed more time to think of a reply, just a few more seconds. So, she decided to stall.

"What do you mean?"

"In the schoolyard. I've never seen you so upset. You're usually not one to raise your voice like this. What happened?" Her voice was gentle, almost motherly.

And this tone convinced her to tell her. Tsubasa sighed. Her breath fogged the window. "We had an argument. Nothing major, just…"

She felt her teacher rest a warm hand on her shoulder, signaling support.

"She was the one who convinced me to skip school yesterday. She tried to get me to do it again."

"But you did not want to", her teacher concluded.

She nodded. "I told her that I feel bad for what I did yesterday. I honestly do."

"That's good", her teacher replied with a gentle smile.

Tsubasa took a deep breath and stared out the window, observing how the dark clouds in the sky wandered over the horizon. She imagined being on of them. High up there, without any fears and liabilities. Just free, just being.

"You should get to class now", the teacher said, pulling her out of her dream.

Tsubasa nodded embarrassed and excused herself to her room.

She did not see how her teacher pulled out her cellphone again to make another call.


	6. Helping Hand

Her father was awaiting her after school. Tsubasa was surprised about that, as she was under the assumption that he was always busy with work.

He was resting against his car when she approached him, his arms crossed against his chest.

"What are you doing here?" She flinched a bit. The way she said it sounded way harsher than she wanted to.

But her father ignored it, took off his sunglasses and regarded her with an unidentifiable look. "How was school", he asked. "I hope you paid attention."

She was confused. He never cared for how her day went; he never asked how she felt. "Good", she answered his question, "And, yes, I did, father."

Apparently, something else was troubling him. His eyes scanned the students leaving the building, looking out for anyone maybe listening in, before saying: "I got another call from your teacher today. You had an argument?"

For maybe a fraction of a second, Tsubasa could feel her heart stop. Her teacher told her father about that? About Kanade? Tsubasa's family was powerful. If her father considered her friend a bad influence, no guessing what could happen to her.

"It… it was nothing, just… j-just a disagreement with a friend of mine", she stumbled.

A greying eyebrow raised up on his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, daddy, please. Let me handle this", she almost pleaded.

Her father decided to let the topic go. For now. He knew that if anything happened, he would know about it, after all.

The next day of school felt like any other before the regrettable day. Her morning routine was like always, even her father locked himself up in his little office like usual. It felt almost like nothing happened. Tsubasa decided she liked it that way. Routine meant security, even if it was boring sometimes.

And this routine also found its roots again in her school life, now more than ever, it seemed. Her teacher did not ask any questions regarding her little quarrel with Kanade, who was not even a student at this school, and when the first half of her classes were finally over, she took a seat under her favorite tree to eat her lunch.

It tasted better than before. Probably because she can enjoy for once. No stress, no Kanade, just her by herself, as it always was and always would be.

"Good day to you."

Tsubasa would have screamed in desperation if that was something she did. Why can't the world just leave her alone for ten fucking minutes, for God's sake?

She was surprised over her own thoughts. She started to sound like Kanade. Seemed she really was a bad influence.

Silently, she kept eating her food, ignoring the girl trying to strike up a conversation.

"How are you doing?"

Fan-fucking-tastic, the persistent type. Demonstratively, she scooted a bit to the right, away from her unwanted verbal assailant.

"Your name is Tsubasa, right? Kazanari Tsubasa?"

Yes, what of it? Tsubasa closed her eyes and took a deep breath in and out through her nose. Loud enough that this annoying woman must have heard.

"Are you angry?"

Did she really just ask that? How stupid can one person be? Tsubasa closed her lunch box, placed it on the grass and stood up. She took a deep breath, ready to give that woman a piece of her mind, turned around…

…and looked into the face of an angel.

The girl, no, woman, was tall and well endowed, to say the least. She wore tight jeans and a button-up shirt, accenting her form perfectly. Her hair was waist-long and wavy, framing her body and beautiful face. She looked foreign, western. Only now did Tsubasa realize that her previous words were spoken with an accent.

Tsubasa forgot everything as her eyes trailed up and down the woman, drinking in her form, her long legs, her hips, her breasts, finally reaching her face and stopping on those beautiful blue eyes. She forgot what she was about to say to her, she forgot she was angry, she even forgot where she was.

She did not even realize how the woman bit her lip to stifle a laugh.

"Are you okay?"

Hearing her voice jolted her brain into first gear. It was something, at least. She opened her mouth, wanted to apologize, but leaving her throat was a pretty stupid sounding: "Uhhhh…"

But the woman nodded, and with a crooked smile said: "Good to hear."

Tsubasa could not remember the last time she blushed so heavily. She honestly was scared she would pass out.

Luckily, the woman was respectful enough to not make fun of her mental shutdown. She took a seat next to where Tsubasa was sitting, and smiled at her reassuringly, leaving the young girl no other choice but to sit down again as well.

The woman extended her hand towards Tsubasa and said with a bright smile: "My name is Maria."

Tsubasa hesitated. She never liked physical contact, and always found handshaking annoying and downright stupid. But when she saw Maria's face, with those sparkling eyes and perfect smile, she acted out of impulse and shook her hand.

It felt wonderful.

Her hand felt firm, but at the same time softer than the most expensive silk. The warmth of her skin seemed to take over Tsubasa's mind, as if it was a saving blanket in a raging blizzard.

She never wanted to let go.

But she had to. She did not want to make the scene any more awkward than it already was. She pulled her hand back, maybe a bit too fast, and grabbed her box of food from the grass.

"Do you sit here often? All by yourself, I mean", Maria asked.

Tsubasa's eyes trailed over to the fountain with a lot of other students gathering around it, talking, laughing, some even flirting. She nodded. "I prefer being by myself."

"Doesn't it get boring?"

"I'm used to it."

A delicate eyebrow arched on the woman's forehead. "Really? Do you not have friends to do stuff with?"

A dejected shake of her head, then: "Not in school, no."

"You are referring to the one you had an argument with yesterday, right?"

Tsubasa stopped eating her lunch and regarded Maria with a wary look. But her opponent kept smiling at her, honestly and caring. Either she really showed concern for whatever reason, or she was a damn good actress.

"Did my dad send you to keep an eye on me?" Her voiced carried venom.

Maria's gentle demeanor fell almost immediately. "Oh, no, not at all! I am sorry if I concerned you. No, I am here because your teacher called me. She told me she was worried about you."

"Why? Because I skipped school one fucking time?" Now Tsubasa really was angry. She thought the topic was done. She apologized, after all!

"No", Maria replied quietly, trying to calm her down, "but you have to understand, she never saw you so angry. You yelled at someone. She told me you never do that."

She was stunned. Looking over the yard, she again saw people looking at her, whispering. Quick, but careful breaths filled her lungs, and she willed herself to relax. What was wrong with her today?

Maria continued: "You told your teacher that it was your friend who wanted you to skip school, correct?"

"Yeah", the girl sighed out, "I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I'd get in trouble. But at the same time, I wanted to see something new, you know?"

The warm smile, which Tsubasa decided she really liked, was back on Maria's lips. She nodded. "Did you have fun?"

"Oh, yes, I did", she answered, her eyes sparkling and her body animated as she reminisced, "although we couldn't actually do why we went, I still had a lot of fun. We talked a lot!"

"Oh, really?" Maria asked with interest, pulling her legs towards her and hugging them. "What did you guys talk about?"

She almost could not contain her excitement anymore as she remembered more and more details of her favorite day. "We talked about hobbies, my family, and…"

She stopped herself as she remembered the last topic of their conversation. Her cheeks felt warm as she turned away from Maria.

"…other stuff."

Maria did not pry into what she meant by 'other stuff', but Tsubasa was sure she picked up on her change of attitude. Of course she did. But instead she asked: "What about your family? Did she want to know how you live?"

"Well…" she started, thinking about how she would touch the subject without making herself feel bad. "We… we talked about my dead mom and my father. Kanade doesn't like him very much."

"Is that your friend's name?"

"Hm?" she asked confused.

"Kanade. Is that your friend's name?" Maria pried.

"Oh, have I not said? Sorry", she spoke ruefully.

"Don't worry about it" she waved off. "Was the argument about your dad then?"

"Yeah" she sighed. "I don't know why, but whenever we reach the topic she gets all aggressive and bad-mouths him. She did it too when she was here at school yesterday. Said I'd sound like my dad when I said that I did not want to skip school again."

"Do you hate your dad?"

Maria's question shook her to the core. Her eyes widened in disbelief over what she said. "No!" she protested. "Of course not. I love him! And I hate when she talks like that, I told her multiple times to stop saying it."

"But why would she say it then? Did she know your father beforehand, maybe?"

Tsubasa shook her head. "No. She had never even seen my house before I brought her. And when she met my dad the only thing she said is that she did not like him. Like always."

"She met him?" Maria sounded strangely surprised. "How did it go?"

Tsubasa hemmed and hawed. "Well… 'met' may be the wrong word. She was in my room when my father scolded me about what I did."

"Did she say something while he was in the room?"

The young girl regarded her for a short second. Why does she want to know so much about her friend? Is she after her? Why would it matter what she said?

But Tsubasa decided to answer, as to not be too suspicious. She could talk to Kanade about this conversation later. "She did not say anything, no."

Tsubasa thought she could hear Maria whisper something along the lines of 'that's good'.

"But afterwards" Tsubasa continued, "she chewed my ear off about how wrong he was and everything."

"And afterwards?"

Tsubasa shrugged. "She left."

"Left?" Maria asked. "Just like that? And did not call you again or write you a message or something?"

"No. Why?" Tsubasa asked wary.

She paused for a bit, as if to lay out her words carefully. "Well, it seemed like you two had a fight because of that, right? When I had a fight with my sister I try to reconsile as soon as possible. And if she is your friend, she'd want the same."

"Wait. Are you saying Kanade is not my friend?" Tsubasa could hear the anger in her voice rising.

And so did Maria. "Oh, no, Heavens forbid. I am just saying that it's unusual, that's all. Seems like you both think to be in the right here."

Another sigh from Tsubasa. She did this a lot in this conversation. "Maybe. Maybe she hates me now. Wouldn't blame her."

A gentle hand rested on Tsubasa's shoulder as Maria spoke: "Promise me you'll have a good talk to her, okay? I bet it was all just a big misunderstanding."

"You think so?" Tsubasa asked hopefully.

"Oh, absolutely" Maria proclaimed. "Don't think for a second she does not like you anymore or something because of an argument. I had just a few minutes with you, but I can already tell that you are a lovely and interesting girl. And I bet Kanade knows it too."

Tsubasa could feel her cheeks redden again. Right now, she had very intrusive and inappropriate thoughts involving the woman next to her.

Maria stood up, reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a small notebook. She quickly scribbled something in it and tore out the page, handing it to Tsubasa.

She took it reluctantly.

"This is my number. Why don't you give me a call sometime? I'd love taking more with you."

Tsubasa looked at the paper in disbelief as Maria excused herself and walked away. Did this really just happen? Did she have a weird conversation with a complete and drop-dead gorgeous stranger only to get her number at the end?

A silly grin spread over Tsubasa's face as she clutched the paper as tightly as she could without scrunching it up.

She would definitely call!


	7. The Closet

The remainder of the school day she was jittery, hardly unable to control her excitement and emotions. Every now and then she peeked at the paper, as a little part of her still did not quite believe this day a reality.

With the school day finally coming to a close, she threw her bag over her shoulder and walked quickly out of the building, her house the destination. She strolled down the usual path, her step lighter than usual and a little smile on her face. She could hardly wait to tell Kanade what happened today!

"Well, someone's happy."

And speak of the devil, there she was. Standing on the little dirt road, their little meeting spot, as it seemed, she greeted her with a sly grin.

"Kanade," Tsubasa began, jogging up to her. "You would never believe what happened today."

Kanade took a tiny step back and said with a bright smile: "Easy, there, tiger. What's going on? I've never seen you this energetic."

But Tsubasa, disregarding what Kanade said, continued: "I met this woman today. You should have seen her. She just came up and talked to me."

Kanade's grin grew wider, if that was even possible, as she understood what Tsubasa implied. "Looks like someone is in love," she teased.

She froze as she heard Kanade's words, and reminisced. Was she in love? Was that how it felt? Thinking back on it, she never felt so good in her entire life. And why? Because some woman gave her her number? A gorgeous, beautiful, sexy woman?

Tsubasa sighed. In a way, she always knew it. It was just so unbelievable to her. Everywhere she looked, family, music, strangers, movies… It was always 'girl kiss boy, boy kiss girl'. It was just how she thought the world worked.

Until that conversation with Kanade. Her question still rang in her ears every now and then: "Are you gay?"

Thinking back, she never had a crush on guys. She never even really acknowledged them. Besides the men in her family, she did not have any interest in socializing with males. She always wanted friends. Female friends. But why was that? Simply because girls should have other girls as best friends, as they could talk with them about stuff they could not with boys? If they are best friends, why would the gender matter?

Or was there an ulterior motive behind her thoughts? Did she want female friends because she liked looking at them? Touching them? No. No, this could not have been the reason. She never felt the way she did with Maria before in her life.

Her thoughts trailed back to the scene under the tree. It was almost romantic. They sat there, next to each other, the wind gently blew around them. She remembered her face, this beautiful, enchanting face. Those sparkling blue eyes which regarded her with such gentleness that she lost herself in them. Those pillowy, full lips she wanted to feel on her own so badly…

She was head over heels for this woman.

"I guess you're right," she whispered.

But Kanade, ever the teaser, raised her hand next to her ear and said: "Excuse me, what was that? I thought I heard something."

"You're right," Tsubasa replied louder. It was surprisingly easy to say.

Kanade's smile grew gentle and her voice took a comforting tone, as she spoke: "I told you, there is nothing wrong with it. You are happy, right? So where is the problem?"

Yes, where is the problem, indeed? Her family. Yeah, that's the problem. They would not be acceptant. Especially her grandfather. He would be angry, yell at her, call her names, shun her.

But why would she care? Kanade was right. She was happy! Yes, she liked Maria. Yes, she was in love with her. Yes, she liked women! That was fine. Normal. Who cared what he thought, anyway?

Asshole.

She felt good the way she was. Yes. She felt great. Kanade was absolutely right. How could she have been so blind? She tricked herself for years. But enough is enough. No more. She would live her life her way. The way it was supposed to be.

Perfect.

She was perfect.

"There is none," Tsubasa replied confidently.

"Now you are speaking my language. If your family gives you trouble, I will tell them off personally, don't worry." She pounded her chest proudly.

"Thank you, Kanade. You're a great friend, you know that?" Her voice was chipper, energetic.

Kanade threw her a crooked grin and replied: "The only friend you'll ever need."

"I can't wait to talk to her! I even got her number," the blue-haired girl said, bouncing up and down on the spot.

Her friend chuckled. "Well, I wish you luck. Give her my regards, will you?"

"Sure!"

Tsubasa reached home not long after. Kanade said her goodbye at the door, giving the girl a last push of courage to confront her dad about her sexuality. She knew it would be tough.

She found her father in the living room, sitting on a zabuton around the table reading his newspaper. Seemed like he had some free time right now. Lucky.

Or maybe not. With every step she took, closing in on him, her heart beat accelerated. When he noticed her and looked up at her, she could feel her breathing stop.

His face took on a form of concern when he saw his daughter standing there, pale as snow. He lowered the newspaper onto the small table, and spoke up: "Tsubasa, is everything alright?"

He wanted to walk up to her, but as he was about to, she took a seat opposite him.

She did not speak a word for a solid minute, or even looked at him.

"Tsubasa…"

"I wanted to tell you something," she interrupted him suddenly. "I need to tell you something!"

Her father folded the newspaper together and put it on the ground, keeping the table clean for him to rest his intertwined hands on it, signaling her his undivided attention.

And her breathing became irregular. Her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest, her hands were wet.

"Tsubasa," her father said. His voice was calm, gentle; caressing and soft. "Please, calm down. Whatever it is you want to say, just speak freely. I am here for you."

His words helped. She could feel herself calm down a little. Enough at least to sort the words in her mind.

"There… there was this…" her voice broke. She cleared her throat and started anew: "I think…"

"You think, what, honey?"

"I… I think… I… I…" Again, her voice gave in. She took a deep breath and willed her hands to stop shaking.

She had to say it.

No matter the consequences.

Now or never!

"I think I like women," she yelled out.

She tensed every muscle in her body, her eyes closed shut as tight as she could. She was ready for any rant, any yelling, any beatings that might come her way. Not that he ever had beaten her, but who knew where his breaking point was.

But nothing came.

She sat there, stiff, silent, in fear. But all that reached her, was silence. But no tense silence, like after a fight or similar. No, the silence was calming, relaxed.

Carefully, she opened an eye to peek at her dad…

…and saw him smiling at her.

His reaction confused her. Apparently, her face showed just how much, as he chuckled a bit upon seeing her reaction.

He nodded silently, planning out what he could say in his head. For a few seconds, he kept looking at her and smiled reassuringly.

Tsubasa did not know what to say; what to do, even. She felt her heart beat pick up again the longer the silence dragged on.

"Well…" he broke the silence. "I admit, I am surprised. Maybe shocked, even."

She felt the world cave in around her.

"But it should not be your concern. I said I'd support you, and I mean it. If you're happy with it, then so be it. I think I personally need some time to grasp the whole situation. You know how the family is. I had this image in my head of you become a loving wife to a successful man and having kids, continuing the bloodline."

Here it was. The reason she was so afraid of coming out. She not only disappointed her father, but her entire family! She was a fucking disgrace!

"But again, it should be none of your concern. I admit that our worldview might not be the most… up-to-date, so to speak. But you are my daughter, and you are more important to me than some dusty old family tradition."

Tsubasa could not believe her ears. Where is the screaming, the scolding? This can't be right!

"Are… aren't you angry?"

A mix of surprise and horror spread over his face. "Why would you think that?"

He stood up and walked around the table. Tsubasa did not know what happened to her as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Tsubasa…" he began, his voice calming. "I could never hate you. Nothing you could do would ever change my mind on that. You are my daughter, and I love you more than anything. Never forget that, you hear?"

The emotions overwhelmed her. Her face buried in her father's shoulder, her slender arms pulling him closer, she cried harder and more freely than she ever did in her life, like a boulder of stress dropped of her heart.

Her father pulled her closer himself, patting her head as he felt his own eyes sting.

It seemed it was time for another call.


	8. Feel So Good

Another boring walk to school. Another boring first half. Usually, she would like this routine, but lately, it felt more and more like a drag. She wanted to experience something again. Like the one time with Kanade. Maybe she could ask her if she wants to hang out with her again. Sometime after school. But then again, school started to get pretty monotonous…

Her thoughts wandered back to the day she came out to her father. She cried for another ten minutes, at least, but her dad showed her a lot of support, and accepted her for what she was, so she came to terms with it herself rather quickly as well. She still had a lot to figure out, though. She never had those feelings before, or if she did, she ignored them, and she was never in a relationship. Where would a girl like her even go to meet other girls? She had no idea.

So, after the life changing day, she spent the rest of the week in her room after school, reading up on whatever she could think of regarding her sexuality. Experiences from other homosexual people and their coming out or the time they realized they're gay. Where to go to find people like her.

She even explored her own preferences a bit. She looked up pictures of women online, first clothed, then in underwear, and finally nude. Women kissing each other, caressing each other, even some images of sex. Pretty tame stuff, all things considered, but for her, it was a whole new world, exciting and arousing. With her curiosity peaked, she even risked looking up pornographic videos. If she was honest, she had no idea how sex between women worked. Sure, she obviously knew about sex, but knowing something from books and experiencing it, be it second or first-hand, are two totally different ball games.

She also started to explore her own body. While on the internet, consuming those pictures and movies, she noticed her hands traveling over her, at first almost without her realization, later deliberate and with purpose. She tried mimicking what she saw, letting her fingers feel every inch of her. At first, it felt strange, frightening. But with the experience came the calm. She slowly got the hang of it, figured out what she like and what she despised.

Her fantasies became increasingly daring as well. She imagined one of the women in the video to be her, dreaming of how it would feel to have a beautiful woman give her such pleasure. More often than not she imagined the other woman to be Maria, amplifying the pleasure hundredfold.

And the more she confronted herself with her sexuality, the better she felt. Like a boulder she carried on her back chipped off piece by piece with every new video and picture she saw and every time she explored herself.

Now, she was sitting under her tree again, enjoying her food. But unlike the days before last week she noticed the girls in her school. Their hair, sometimes ladylike long and smooth, other times tomboyish short and wild. The summer school uniforms did little to conceal their developing forms, for which Tsubasa secretly was thanking every deity she could think of. And those skirts! Dangerously short, giving her an appetizing look on silky smooth legs, where ever her eyes wandered.

Maybe school was not so bad after all.

A few hours of classes and some indecent thoughts about her female classmates later, she prepared for her way home. She packed her books, cleaned her desk, and made her way out of the school building.

On the hallway, she saw a familiar face talking with a teacher, and her heart jumped into her throat.

It was Maria. She was beautiful as always. No, she was even more beautiful. Her face was prettier, her voice was silkier and her skin was smoother than ever. And when she looked over to Tsubasa, she could feel her breathing hitch and her loins stir. She enjoyed it immensely, but at the same time, she knew it was highly inappropriate.

"Oh, hello, Tsubasa," Maria's angelic voice called out. The teacher next to her regarded the young girl with a smile as well.

Tsubasa stepped up to her, trying her hardest to stop her eyes from focusing on anything but her face. "Hello, Maria," she replied.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm… I'm doing well. Yes. Well. What… what are you doing here?" Internally, she scolded herself. She stumbled like a fool. Goddamn it, brain, focus!

"Oh, I was just checking in. I know the teachers of this school pretty well and just wanted to ask how everyone is doing."

Sounded like she did that regularly. Strange, she could not remember ever seeing her in school before their fateful meeting, but then again, she spent her school days alone and secluded, and as such, did never really pay attention to anyone here.

"I was actually just about to say goodbye. I wanted to visit my sister. You mind if we walk to the school gates together?"

Lightning struck her upon hearing those words. She felt like her brain stopped for a solid minute. "Uh, sure, yes! I'd be happy, I mean…" She decided to shut up. She already embarrassed herself enough.

Maria said her goodbyes to the teacher and so both of them made their ways down the emptying halls. The silence between them was deafening, so Tsubasa gathered all her composure and asked: "You said you're visiting your sister?"

Maria nodded, but the smile on her face was sad. "Yeah. She is in the hospital. Been there for a few weeks now."

Now you've done it, you big fucking idiot! You just had to go and ask stupid questions, didn't you?

"She is doing fine, though," Maria continued.

"Th, that's great to hear. I'm sorry, I did not mean…"

"You did nothing bad, Basa, don't worry. You did not know." And there was her genuine and cheerful smile again.

Tsubasa blinked a few times in surprise. Did she just call her… "Basa?"

"It's my nickname for you," Maria grinned. "I thought it sounds nice. If you don't like it, I stop."

"No!" she yelled out, only to embarrass herself by her reaction, all the while earning a slight smile from Maria. "I… I like it."

A warm chuckle and bright smile were Maria's reply. "Is everything alright with you?"

"Me? Yeah. Why?"

She opened the front door of the main building for the younger girl. "You seem nervous. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

No, she isn't. She was talking to her crush right now, wanted to hug her, kiss her, touch her. Every fiber in her being wanted to be with her, every hour of every day, be intimate with her! And she had to fight those urges, because she knew nothing would come from them.

"Well, yeah… it's just… I have some stuff on my mind right now."

Maria regarded her with a sorrowful look as Tsubasa stepped through the door. "Remember, you have my number. You can call me anytime if something is troubling you."

"I know, thank you, Maria."

"And how about your friend Kanade?"

Tsubasa stopped and turned around to Maria. The way her hips gyrated as she walked was mesmerizing. "What about her?"

"Have you talked to her lately? I remember you said you were worried she might not like you anymore."

"Yeah, it was a stupid thought. The same day, I met her and we talked like nothing happened."

Maria nodded. "That's… that's great", she said. "See, I told you she would not hate you. Have you seen her lately?"

"Not since then, no. Usually we see each other every other day or so, but not last week."

"Were you preoccupied with something?"

Yeah, watching porn and dreaming about sleeping with you.

"Yeah, I had a lot of stuff to figure out. After school I went straight home every day."

They stopped at the gates, and Maria extended her hand. "Well, I guess this is where we say bye for now."

"Oh, sure," Tsubasa said, shaking her soft, warm, beautiful hand. "I… I guess we'll talk another time."

"Absolutely. Goodbye, Basa."

Tsubasa sounded a bit dejected, as she spoke. "Bye." All good things must come to an end, right?

She watched Maria walk down the sidewalk for a few seconds before turning around to make her way home in the other direction. She almost collided with another person standing right behind her. Shocked, she stumbled a step back, and realized then who it was.

"Kanade," she gasped in surprise.

Kanade threw her a quick look, paired with a greeting nod, before looking over Tsubasa's shoulder towards Maria. "Hot damn. Who is this slut?"

Tsubasa followed her eyes, turning towards Maria's form slowly shrinking with every step she took. "Her name is Maria."

"Oh, is she the one you're crushing on?"

"Yeah, she is," she sighed dreamily.

"Fuck, yeah. Great choice. Just look at her ass. You know, those are the moments that make me want to have a dick. I'd burry myself so hard in that bitch…" She underlined her words with a pretty vulgar thrust of her hips.

Tsubasa could not hold back a slight giggle, as she replied, eyes still locked on Maria: "You are sick, you know that?"

Kanade replied with a humorless laugh of her own. "Don't tell me you wouldn't eat her out like a bowl of rice."

"Well, I wouldn't word it like that, but I thought about it."

This time, Kanade's laugh was more genuine. Dirty, but heartfelt. "Hell yeah. Go get her, tiger."

This was when Tsubasa turned back around to Kanade. "It's just a dumb crush. She is way older than me. No way in Hell would I ever get close enough to her."

"Are you serious?" the redhead asked, a genuinely surprised look on her face. "You let a pussy like hers just pass you by? You do have a chance! You just have to take her and show her what's what!"

"You… you really think I can do it?"

"Sure. She is a foreigner, they fuck everything."

Before the two made their way home, Tsubasa risked a final look back, hoping to catch one last look at Maria's lovely form. But sadly, she already disappeared into one of the other streets.


	9. Speak Your Mind

She met with Kanade a lot the next few days. She stayed after school, waiting for her friend, and then walked with her through the streets and talked about anything that came to mind: School, her family, girls, music, movies… everything, really. She enjoyed those days immensely, and felt herself opening up more and more. She started talking to other people more freely, learned to voice her opinions more – which got her into one or two arguments, with classmates and teachers – and generally did what ever she wanted. It felt great.

She was endlessly thankful to Kanade. She made an entirely knew person out of her.

Her dreams the next few days were filled with Maria. Some harmless, some a bit more reckless, and others completely shameless and depraved. She decided she liked those dreams the most, even if it meant changing the sheets more frequently.

Today was a Sunday. School was closed, and Tsubasa got ready to spend the entire day home, on her computer. Browsing, playing games, whatever she wanted. Who would dare to tell her otherwise?

Her grandfather, apparently. Head of her family. And he had the audacity to _command_ them over to his estate. Command. Like he is some sort of General or whatever.

Seemed like her dad called him a while back, and now he wants to see them both. Unusual. Normally, it was only her dad who went to see him, and only if he got in some kind of trouble. Or what her grandfather considered trouble.

If she was honest, she was scared of her grandfather.

As the car drove into the estate, she thought about Kanade. If she was here with her right now, she'd take the lingering fear away. With a silly sentence or by simply speaking her mind. She'd most likely call her grandfather an **_old grumpy geezer_**.

"What's so funny?"

Tsubasa looked over to her dad from the passenger seat. "What do you mean?"

"You just giggled. What's so funny?"

She did? "Oh, nothing. I just thought of something funny."

Apparenty, her father was satisfied with her answer. He shrugged his shoulders and continued focusing on driving towards the large garage, almost half a big as their own house.

Inside were a magnitude of cars. She could not even estimate how many there were. Forty, maybe? All big, bulky SUVs and sports cars. **_He really must be compensating for something._**

"Still something funny on you mind?"

She exited her father's car and made her way towards the mansion. "What does he even want from us?"

Her father regarded her with a strange, unidentifiable look, before answering: "He wanted to speak with us because of the changes that happened to you recently."

Oh, so she was the reason he wanted to see them. He probably got wind of her liking women, and now he wants to talk about it. He probably thinks of it as a phase or whatever. The **_dumb fucker_** should mind his own business. God knows it's big enough already.

If she was honest, she didn't like her grandfather.

"So? He has our number. He could have just called."

Again, that strange look from him. Is it… pity?

He sighed. "Please, Tsubasa, promise me that I'll do the talking, okay?"

"Okay, if you think we get out of here faster," was her reluctant reply.

They walked through his big mansion, past expensive paintings, golden statues and large carpets, to a massive two-winged door. That was where is grandfather waited. He loved making himself bigger than he actually is. Helps inflate his massive ego even more.

The doors swung open, seemingly on their own, but Tsubasa knew he had two of his servants pull them open on his command. **_That prick_** considered him above opening doors, it seemed. Hopefully, he still wiped his own ass, at least. But who knew, with someone his age…

He was sitting there, on his glamorous zabuton, two additional ones prepared before him. The room was massive, making him look like a tiny angry gnome.

This time, she noticed and thankfully stifled her laugh.

"A good day to you, Father," her dad began. "We came, as you commanded."

The only reply was a grumble, as he waved his hand towards the zabutons.

As soon as the two sat down, he began speaking: "I heard you have been causing trouble, Tsubasa." His voice was coarse, but strong. It seemed to boom from every corner of the room at once. He noticed her father shrink a bit upon hearing his voice. "You stayed absent from the school for which I pay, so you could take a stroll in the city. You got in fights, too, I heard. With your teachers, even."

As if he was never young.

"This is unacceptable. I will not hear about any more misconducts in this regard. Did I make myself clear?"

His head was red like a tomato. He was so enraged, it looked like he was close to an aneurism.

Funny.

"May I know why you are laughing?" he screamed at her. But the more he yelled, the redder his head became, causing Tsubasa to giggle even harder.

Her father tried to intervene. "Please, father, this is something else I want to explain to you. You see, she is…"

"Oh, I know what she is. A disrespectful little brat! I am disappointed in you, Yatsuhiro," he growled at her father.

He did not notice how Tsubasa abruptly stopped giggling.

"Not only did you disregard your parenting. No, you also let her develop an interest in women. She turned into a freak, unworthy of so much as carrying the Kazanari name. If she can't produce an heir, she is worthless!"

Oh, so that's how it was then, huh? Seemed like Kanade was right. He is nothing more than an old dusty **_shithead_** , living in the **_fucking_** past. How dared he? How **_fucking dared he try to judge her? Try to insult her father? This pathetic excuse of a human being was the worthless one! Nobody liked him! He could have died and no one would have missed him. She would have laughed. Laughed loud. And a lot. She could have KILLED him and nothing would have changed. Kanade was right._**

**_Kanade was FUCKING RIGHT!_ **

"Hey!" she yelled out. "How fucking dare you?"

Calling the expressions on the men's faces shocks would have been a massive understatement. Her father seemed to lose every bit of color, while her grandfather's eyes were wide as traffic lights.

"You shitty, fucking old fart! I knew I shouldn't have come here! Who the fuck do you think you are, acting like you own me? You don't own fucking shit! You sit here, in your mansion all high and mighty, and think you…"

That's all she got out, as her father grabbed her in panic and pulled her out of the room. Two of the men standing guard outside the room were ready to jump her, but when they recognized her and her father, they stepped back a bit.

Her father held the struggling girl tightly. He was sure he hurt her, but he had to get her out of here.

Tsubasa fought, kicked, screamed, as she was dragged away from her grandfather, who, with a look of utter confusion and concern, looked after them from the doorframe.

In the garage, he noticed she had calmed down, and risked letting go of her wrists. He crouched down, to look into her eyes, and asked: "Tsubasa, can you hear me?" His voice sounded stressed and covered, as if he was close to tears.

Tsubasa's vision was blurry. She was not really sure what just happened, or where she was. But she heard a familiar voice, and willed herself to focus on it. And slowly, the room they were in took shape again. She saw her grandfather's car, the sun shining though the windows in the garage gate, and finally, the worried face of her father.

"Dad?"

Tsubasa was suddenly pulled into a tight hug. She felt something wet drop on her shoulder. Her father held her for a solid minute, seemingly scared to lose her.

He let go of her and dried his tears. "Get in the car, honey."

Tsubasa did as she was told, mostly because she was confused and did not know what **_the fuck_** was going on. Her father started the car and drove it out of the garage.

"Are we going home already?"

He sniffed a few times, before answering: "No, we're going to see a friend of yours."


	10. Revelations

The drive was exhausting. Tsubasa nodded off a few times, but sadly, sleep never grasped her fully. Every time she jolted awake again, as if grabbed and shaken by invisible hands.

Her father drove faster than she was used to from him. Not dangerously so, however. The times she was awake she noticed how she shifted around whenever he took a turn.

Finally, after what felt like a thousand turns, his father steered into a little, empty parking lot in front of a one-story flat roofed house. He told her to stay inside the car, as he made his way to the front door. She could see him ring the bell.

"What's up with him," Kanade asked, leaning over from the backseat.

"I don't know," was Tsubasa's exhausted reply. "We were visiting my grandfather, that's all I remember." With a sigh, she rested her head against the car door window and closed her eyes.

"Where are we, even?"

"I don't know," Tsubasa repeated.

"Wait, did you just say you visited your grandfather? The old shithead?"

Tsubasa nodded weakly.

"You gave him a piece of your mind, I hope."

Suddenly, a weak laugh. Was maybe her own. She couldn't tell. "I did."

Another laugh. This time, distinctively Kanade's. "Fuck, yeah. I knew you had it in ya. No way an old fart like him tells you what to do! You are better than him, better than everyone, remember that."

"I know, I know…" Her voice grew weaker and weaker as she drifted away into sleep.

"Tired?" Kanade's voice was booming.

"Very much," were the last few words she got out, before the gentle hands of dreams and slumber pulled her into their world.

When her father got back into the car, she was already fast asleep.

She woke up late in the evening. Her head pounded like a choir of jackhammers, her vision was like water, and the taste in her mouth reminded her of dead rats.

She pulled herself up, slowly, carefully. A look down on her showed her in her pajamas. Her clothes were neatly placed over her bed's footboard.

She smelled something pleasant. Soup, maybe?

"Hi there, sleepy head."

She turned her head to where the voice came from, and saw Kanade sitting in her chair at the desk.

"How long have I been asleep?"

Kanade looked up at the analogue clock above her room door. "Not long, maybe two to three hours."

And now, Tsubasa also saw where the smell came from. A bowl of tempura udon was placed on her desk. Presumably by her dad.

"Oh, yeah, your old man brought you some food," Kanade added.

She was hungry. Famished, even. Her shaky legs carried her towards the food, every step weaker than the previous one. With equally as shaky hands, she grabbed the bowl and made her way back to her bed. She grabbed the chopsticks from atop the bowl and stuffed a large helping of noodles into her mouth. She slurped so loudly, it must have been heard in the entire house.

And that's when she noticed something else on her desk. Her wallet was laying there, flipped open. It looked like nothing was missing, but it was concerning nonetheless. She usually cares it in her pants' back pocket at all times. "Why is my wallet out?"

Kanade shrugged her shoulders. "No idea."

Tsubasa regarded her with a doubtful look. She took a bite out of the tempura shrimp and was about to question Kanade, when voices reached her from behind her door.

"…you for coming," she heard her father speak as he opened her door. Following him was none other than Maria.

And Tsubasa could feel her heart beating faster and faster. The woman of her dreams was here, entering her room, and here she sat, in pajamas and probably looking like crap in general.

"Oh, you're awake," her father said. He stepped into her room and kneeled down to her. "And you're eating, that's great. How are you feeling?"

"I got a headache", she said. "But I am okay. Kanade told me you brought me that." She rose her bowl a bit demonstratively.

Her father threw a concerned look towards Maria. She nodded.

"S… She is right, I did. I thought you might be hungry when you wake up."

"Man," Kanade uttered with sarcasm. "That's so sweet, I think I am getting diabetes."

The younger girl regarded her with a crooked grin. "You're just jealous you didn't get food."

"Well, it smells delicious, I'll give your dad that much. He knows how to cook."

Tsubasa shifted her attention back to her father. In his face was fright. Unadulterated fear and concern.

Maria stepped up next to him. "Kazanari-san, do you mind leaving me and Tsubasa alone for a while?"

He caressed his daughter's cheek with his hand before getting up and leaving the room. Maria took a seat next to her on the bed.

Of course, Kanade had to add her silly comment: "Well, now you got her where you wanted: in your bed."

"Your father called me," Maria began. Her voice was quiet, gentle. "He is worried about you. And so am I."

"What do you mean?"

"They told me you changed. You yelled at teachers and students, and even your grandfather."

"That guy is a fucker anyhow," Kanade chimed in.

"That's not you, Basa. I talked to your teachers. You were always described as quiet and secluded. And then, all of a sudden, you skip school, insult people, and become downright aggressive. When I met you, you seemed like such a cute girl."

Tsubasa pointed over to her desk. "Well, Kanade showed me how to be more assertive. I was to Akihabara with her."

"Is she here right now?"

What? What the fuck kind of question is that? Of course! She is sitting right there, at the fucking table! "What do you mean? She is sitting right over there."

But Maria did not even look in that direction. She kept her eyes firmly on Tsubasa. "Tsubasa, what I am about to tell you might be hard to believe, but I swear it's the truth."

The words Maria spoke next shook her world view to the core.

"There is no one in this room besides you and me."

Tsubasa forgot how to think. She forgot how to feel. She forgot how to _be_. Her brain just ceased to function. She looked at Maria with unfocused eyes. No one else? What does she mean, no one else?

"There is no Kanade," Maria carefully added.

"Oh, come the fuck on," Kanade yelled, jumping out of her chair. "You really believe her? Look at me, Tsubasa. LOOK AT ME!"

Tsubasa did.

"I am standing right here, don't I? This dumb _bitch_ is just fucking crazy. You know what we experienced! I showed you a different world! I showed you how to life, for fuck's sake!"

Kanade's voice grew louder and louder the more she spoke.

"And this stupid whore?" She stepped up next to Maria. Her face was full of hate and disgust. "How about you keep your nose out of shit, huh?"

Stop it.

"No one wants you here, you slut. Why don't you get fucked, you bimbo?"

STOP IT!

She hardly felt Maria's hand on her shoulder. "Basa, relax."

" _Basa, relax_ ," Kanade mocked her. "Listen to her. Acting like she knows you. _I_ know you. Only I do! This dumb slut should get lost. Hey, Maria! How about getting raped, you pig?"

**STOP IT!**

"Or better yet, go fucking hang yourself!"

"STOP IT!" Tsubasa yelled. She didn't want to hear it! Stop it, stop it, stop it! Shut it out. Make it end! MAKE IT END!

"Tsubasa!, Tsubasa, please calm down," Maria called out. She cradled the poor girl in her arms.

"Stop saying those things," she cried. "Stop speaking." She desperately covered her ears, but Kanade's voice could not be silenced. It droned on and on, uttering one revolting thing after another. "I am sorry, I don't want her to say these things!"

Maria pulled the poor girl even closer. "It's okay, I know. I believe you, Tsubasa."


	11. While You Sleep

"The tea should be ready in a few minutes."

"Thank you."

Yatsuhiro took his seat in a large chair opposite the sofa Maria sat on. "I've never seen her like this. I have no idea what I should do."

"The most important thing is to give her some stability. Schedules, a daily routine. As less change as possible. She needs a place she can relax at."

"Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"I have some suspicions. It looks like schizophrenia, maybe paired with another schizoaffective disorder. But without some tests I can not give a proper diagnosis."

Dejected, he rested his face in his hands. "My poor little girl…"

"How was Tsubasa as a child, if I might ask?"

"Alone. She was a silent child. Never spoke much, never did much. She never played with other kids." A sad smile creeped on his lips. "She loved to draw and sing. I remember one day, when she was in Kindergarten, how she happily walked up to me and showed me the picture she drew. It showed her, her mother and me holding hands on a field. I put it on our fridge."

"Did she ever try to make friends?"

"Oh, yes. A few times, actually. But it never really went anywhere. There was this one girl she really liked. Wanted to play with her. But for some reason the girl did not want to. I came to pick her up one day, and I saw all the other kids playing with each other. Yelling, laughing. And my daughter? She was in a corner, all by herself, dragging a little toy car over the ground. I stood there and watched, observed her. How she sometimes looked over to the other kids, wanting so badly to go over and play with them, but she never did." His voice broke multiple times during his recollection.

Maria handed him a handkerchief. "I am sorry."

"And then, her mother died. She was killed by a drunk driver on her way to work. I was devastated. And… and I guess I lost myself in my mourning. I forgot that I wasn't the only one hurt. Tsubasa was hurt too, maybe even more than me. I lost my wife. She lost her mother, and for a long while her father too."

"Have you ever been to other psychiatrists?"

"I have. They gave her some toys and asked her some questions, but all that ever came out of it was that she was highly intelligent, and those children often have it more difficult than others."

Maria knew the doctors did their best. Well, she hoped. Children are hard to diagnose, after all. Carefully calculated, she spoke: "I disagree with what they said. Tsubasa is definitely a smart girl, but her intellect had nothing to do with it. I talked to numerous teachers at her school, and all described her as you said: Silent and alone. I talked to her myself, and she told me she was used to having no friends. However, at the same time, I could tell that she was not happy. The first thing that came to my mind were Asperger or another form of autism, but she is lacking additional symptoms. In our conversation, she sounded interested, and her verbal as well as her nonverbal communication was not irregular."

"So, you think it's the mental illness that prevented her to be like the others?"

Maria nodded. "Yes, that is my hypothesis. Tomorrow I want to talk to her a bit more, if that's okay with you."

"Please do. I hope you can help her." With teary eyes he checked the time on his wrist watch. "How long do you figure she'd be asleep?"

"Well, I gave her a sedative and some perphenazine, she will sleep the rest of the night."

"Hopefully she'll feel better tomorrow. Thank you again for doing this."

After Tsubasa's collapse, Maria drove over to her office and took some medication with her. Giving Tusbasa the pills was a struggle. She laid on her bed in the fetal position, shaking and mumbling. Every muscle in her body was tense, and the slightest touch sent her into a fit. When Maria finally got her to swallow the medication, it took no more than ten minutes for the sedative to take effect and the young girl fell into a deep sleep.

The kettle whistling from the kitchen pulled Maria out of the memory. She was about to ask if she could help, but Yatsuhiro was already on his way. The clinking of cups reached her ears as her host prepared the tea with practiced movements.

"Here you go."

Carefully, as not to burn herself, Maria took the steaming cup from him and took a tiny sip. "Thank you. If I had to name the one thing I love the most about Japan, it would be your tea."

"Oh, yes, you aren't native to Japan, are you?"

She threw him a crooked smile. "I am pretty sure it's obvious, isn't it? But yes, I am from Europe."

"Sure, I just did not want to assume, you know? Your Japanese is really good."

"Thank you. I studied Japanese in school, and been abroad through an exchange program." She took another careful sip of her tea.

"Interesting. I've been to America a few times for business, but I've never been to Europe." A sigh escaped him. "I always wanted to take Tsubasa abroad someday, for holiday."

"You still can. If her medication works she'll be without problems."

"You're right," he whispered, leaning back in his chair. "I should hope for the best, after all."

The soft ticking of the clock on the shelves was the only sound for a few seconds. The night filled the room more and more, and with it came a feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty.

"Kanade…" he muttered. "I still can't believe it."

"It sounds like there is a significance to the name."

His voice was heavy with melancholy, as he reminisced: "When she was a little child, around two to three years old, her mother read her bedtime stories. Her favorite story was the one of a young girl going out into the world to share her music with the people she met along the way. Tsubasa would ask her mother to read her the story again and again, often multiple times on the same evening. The girl in the book was named Kanade."

"That's interesting. So, she projected a character she associates with positive feelings and memories into a hallucination. That would explain how she accepted her so quickly."

"What should I do if her hallucination returns?"

Maria noticed how uneasy he was as he asked the question. "The most important thing is not to interact with it in any form. If she tells you where Kanade stands, for example, do not look at the spot. She needs to understand that the woman only exists in her head. If you would look at Kanade, or where you assume she would be, the real world interacts with her hallucinations, and that could cause stress to her."

"I guess that makes sense," came his careful reply. "I guess I'll take her out of school too for a while. With her medication and everything, I'd like to keep an eye on her, honestly."

"That's fine. But not for too long. Remember, she needs routine." She took another big gulp of her tea, placed the cup back on the table and checked her cellphone. "I guess it's time I go. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Of course." He guided her to the front door. "Oh, and sorry I had to call you so late on your free day."

"Don't be. It was good that you called me when you did. The faster we help her, the better."

The lock of the door opening boomed like a cannon shot through the house. He flinched a bit. "I am just glad she had your number."

"I gave it to her for a reason, after all. I wanted to make sure that if something happened, you know how to contact me. Although I expected Tsubasa to call me herself."

"Why that," he asked, his greying eyebrows wandering up in surprise.

"Well…" She pondered her words a bit. "I got the feeling she was quite fond of me."

And then it hit him. What she told him a few days back. "Oh, that explains why she came out to me when she did."

This time it was Maria's turn to be surprised. "She did, huh? That's good. That's one load fewer on her mind. How did you react? Just so I can assess the situation."

"I told her I loved her and that would never change."

Maria stepped out of the house. "You are a great father, you know that?"

"I just do what I think is the right thing for her. She is my daughter, I only want the best for her."

Maria looked back at him with a smile. "I think Tsubasa will do just fine with you around. Thanks for the tea."

"No," Yatsuhiro replied. "Thank you, doctor."


	12. Serenity Now

Her headache had weakened overnight. It still hurt, but at least she was able to form some coherent thoughts. Her mouth was dry as the desert, and her stomach rebelled against the large amount of nothing wreaking havoc inside. She remembered the soup her father made. She never finished it.

But as soon as her naked feet hit the thin carpet, she knew where it went. The spot where she dropped the bowl was still moist. She remembered why she dropped it. She did not want to.

Involuntarily, her eyes wandered across her room. It was silent, dark and empty where ever she looked. Her desk was empty and her chair was pushed under it. Nothing indicated that anyone sat on it yesterday.

Because no one did, she told herself.

She still could not believe it, even if she tried. Kanade wasn't real? But she was so lively, so funny. The things they talked about, the things they saw. All of this never happened?

"But it did," came a familiar but calm voice.

Tsubasa's eyes darted over to the corner next to the door.

Kanade was there. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed, she starred her down with a strangely piercing look. Tsubasa could have sworn the girl wasn't here a second ago.

"What are you doing here," the young girl carefully asked.

Her voice sounded strangely muffled, as she spoke: "Keeping an eye out for you. You never know if anyone else wants to do anything to you."

"What… what do you mean?"

"The pills that bitch gave you." Did her face just shift a bit?

"Maria gave them to help me. I am sick."

Kanade's laugh was humorless and condescending. "Yeah, that's what she told you. Don't you see? She knows you like her, and she uses this to manipulate you."

"No," Tsubasa shot back. "I don't believe you."

She shrugged her shoulders. Her body seemed to frazzle at the edges. "Fine by me. You'll see."

Tsubasa decided to ignore the girl and made her way to the kitchen to get breakfast. As she passed a window on her way, she noticed how high the sun stood already. How long was she asleep? And what about school? She could not miss a day again, not after what she did a few weeks back!

She almost stumbled into the kitchen where her father was having a phone call, because she wanted to move faster than her tired muscles allowed her to. She stepped up to the kitchen table, and with growing uneasiness, waited until her father ended the call.

"Again, I am sorry for what happened, and I can assure you, she is too. But now you understand what's going on," he spoke to the interlocutor. When he saw his daughter, he threw her a very happy and bright smile. "She is awake now. Do you mind if I call you later?" A short pause on his end. "Thank you. Talk to you later, father."

He ended the call and put the cordless phone on the table. "Hey, honey," he greeted her. "How do you feel?"

"Why didn't you wake me up? I need to go to school!"

He sighed. "I decided to take you out of school for a few days. Just so I can be sure you are okay."

She knew it already, she remembered yesterday, after all. But hearing it from him made her aware of the magnitude of the situation. She was sick. Her brain was sick. It was hard for her to make heads or tails of what happened the last couple weeks. Kanade looked so _real_ with everything she did. She was happy. She had a friend!

No.

She never did.

If what Maria said was true, she never had a friend. Like always. She was alone all the time. A loser, an outcast, a freak. She was so starved for a friend, she made one up, for fuck's sake! How pathetic could she be?

"They want to keep us apart."

Tsubasa turned around to see Kanade standing right behind her. She almost jumped back in surprise, but stopped herself fast enough. It would have looked stupid. Kanade wasn't real, after all.

"Tsubasa?" her father asked. "What's wrong? Do you still see her?"

She honestly wasn't sure if she should answer honestly, but given her reaction, a lie had little ground to stand on. So, she nodded.

And Kanade sighed in exasperation.

"It's okay, honey," he gently spoke as he moved up to her. "Maria will be here soon. She wants to talk to you again."

The mention of that glorious name pulled her out of her thoughts. "She… she is coming over today?"

"You like her, right?" A little genuine smile crept on his face.

"Like?" Kanade laughed. "You want to throw her over every furniture in this house and fuck every hole she has, don't you?"

Tsubasa tried her hardest to ignore her. "I… yeah, I do. A lot." She didn't know who's question she answered at that point. Maybe both.

"That's good to hear. You never have to hide that here, you hear? You can be yourself in this house."

"Thanks, dad." She took a seat at the table. Her father quickly took a bowl out of a drawer and filled it with freshly cooked, steaming rice. "I guess I always had a hunch I was different. But when I looked at her for the first time it just made me face it."

He handed her the bowl. "You're not 'different', Tsubasa. You just like women. That makes you no different than millions of other women on this planet."

With a stuffed mouth she pondered his words. He was right. She wasn't different. Her tastes just lied elsewhere. She didn't like dick. Tough shit. She preferred the gentle beauty of the curves of a woman over hard, bulky muscles. Nothing to it.

"I was talking to your grandfather just now," he started, only to be suddenly interrupted by his daughter.

"I hate that guy."

His train of though derailed hard. "Tsubasa," he scolded. "You can't say that."

"Why not?" Her question sounded genuine.

"Because that's not a nice thing to say!"

"Oh, but calling you a disappointment and me worthless and a brat is?"

"No," he agreed. "It really isn't. But you know how he is. His worldview is… traditional."

"Ass backwards, more like it."

"Stop it, Tsubasa," he demanded.

"Why? You know I'm right!"

He sighed. "I know you don't mean it. It's the illness and the medication speaking."

"No," Tsubasa retorted coldly. "I always hated him."

The look he gave her was a mix between sorrow and helplessness. He knew he shouldn't take what she said at face value, but that didn't mean it did not hurt.

"Well, well, well, the kitty has claws," Kanade added from behind.

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?" her father blurted out in surprise.

But Tsubasa waved him off. "Not you."

"Oh," was the short response.

Kanade acted weird today. She sounded strange and looked kind of different than usual. Calmer, more collected. She kept her distance. Very unusual for her, as if she was a completely different person.

"When exactly is Maria coming over?"

Her father threw a quick look over to the clock on the cupboard. "She called earlier. She wanted to come over in about half an hour."

Tsubasa almost choked on her rice. "In thirty fucking minutes? I have to get ready."

"Tsubasa, please, mind your language," he demanded, but Tsubasa was already on her way to the showers. She didn't even finish her food.

On the way to the bath she threw her pajamas off. She quickly jumped into the shower cabin and turned both valves up. The first wave of water was cold as ice, causing her to gasp in shock. The heat hit her a few seconds after, running over her back like needles.

After the very hot shower she dashed through the house, towel draped around her, into her room to pick out the best outfits she had available.

"You go all out with her, huh?"

"I want to leave a positive expression, is that so wrong?" Tsubasa shot back to her friend.

"No. In fact it couldn't be more right. I support you one hundred percent."

"Really now?" she shot back. "Weren't you the one who called her a whore and whatnot?"

Kanade shrugged as she leaned against the door. "Because she is. But that doesn't mean I would deny you getting some pussy."

She said it so matter-of-factly, Tsubasa could do nothing but stare at her in disbelieve. "You're acting weird today."

"How so?"

"You are unusually…" she waved her hand in struggle to find the right word. "…calm. Normally you'd be all in my face about her."

"Really? You say that to me?" A short, pitiful chuckle. "You're the one acting weird. It's those pills."

"This shit again?" Tsubasa moaned. "She told me they help me. Why do you hate her so much?"

"I don't. I am just worried about you."

"Oh, really? And why would you?"

"Because I am your friend," she demanded, no, pleaded. "You can trust me! I only want the best for you!"

"Yeah, sure," Tsubasa spat out. She picked some clothes out and threw her towel to the floor. Hastily putting her tightest pants and expensive top on, she added: "You are the reason I am in this mess in the first place."

"Fine, stone me, then. I got you out of the monotony of your life, don't forget that."

"Thanks, my life is chockfull with excitement now." The sarcasm could be cut with a fork.

"You had fun. Don't deny that."

"Yeah, okay," she admitted reluctantly. "It was a great day."

"And don't you forget it, baby," Kanade replied with a wink.

Five minutes later, the doorbell rang out. Maria was here. And damn, did she look beautiful! She wore casual clothes. A black t-shirt which caressed her form perfectly, and a short, loose skirt showing off those amazing legs and, Tsubasa secretly hoped, her ass as well, should she bend over for whatever reason.

She fought those intrusive thoughts down. She couldn't just stand here and drool over her, after all. Well, maybe she could, but there was a time and place for everything.

"Damn!"

Tsubasa wanted to sigh. Here came another comment from Kanade. Of course.

"Look at what she's wearing. How thirsty can one bitch get? Seriously, fuck her, girl!"

Tsubasa threw the girl standing next to her a judgmental look. Can't she just shut up for a few minutes?

"Hi, Basa," Maria greeted her with a slight smile. In her face was something else, besides the happiness, though. Concern, maybe? Whatever it was, Maria seemed to exam her right from the get-go, as her eyes focused intently on every movement the young girl made.

"Hello, Maria."

"So," she began, after greeting Tsubasa's father as well, "How are you feeling?"

"Okay. I got a light headache, but I feel better."

"That's good to hear. Come on, let's go to your room, we can talk in private there. I have a few questions for you."

In her room, Tsubasa took a seat on her messy bed, while Maria took hers at the desk. She took out a binder from the black suitcase she got with her. Opening the binder up and scribbling something, she asked a first question: "How did you sleep?"

"Good," the girl answered. The sleep could have been better, if she was honest, but she wasn't exhausted or anything.

"No nightmares or anything?"

Tsubasa shook her head.

Maria wrote something down again. "Very good. And what about Kanade? Noticed anything different with her?"

Involuntarily, Tsubasa's eyes darted over to the door. Again, Kanade was leaning against the frame, arms crossed, and regarded her and Maria with a stern look.

"She is still here, but she behaves strange."

"Really? How so?"

"She keeps her distance, and is a bit calmer. It freaks me out, honestly."

"That's normal. It's the medication," Maria explained. "You will notice her change a bit more, before she'll disappear completely. But that will take time."

"You see?" Kanade spoke up. "I told you, she wants to pull us apart. You can't trust her."

"But you have to promise me something, please." Maria opened her suitcase again, taking out a big pack of pills and handing it to the young girl. "Promise me you'll take these, one every morning and evening."

"Don't do it, she wants to control you," Kanade chimed in.

Tsubasa hesitated grabbing the pack. Her eyes darted between Kanade's angry visage and Maria's gentle eyes.

And of course, Maria picked up on that. "What's wrong?"

Kanade shook her head quickly, demanding of her to stay quiet.

"N… nothing," Tsubasa stuttered.

Handing the girl the pack, Maria arched a delicate eyebrow. "Okay, I believe you," she said. It was obvious she did not.

Tsubasa could feel her words hit her like a hot knife straight into her heart. But she had to deal with it. She just had to take those pills, and everything would be fine.

Right?

"The pills take a while to work. It can take days, weeks, months, even. Keep taking them, okay?"

A hesitant nod, then: "I… I will."

Maria regarded the girl with a gentle smile. Her eyes trailed over her, and her smile grew a bit wider. "I like what you're wearing today. Looks good."

Tsubasa blushed _hard_. Of course, she dressed well for her, but she never expected her to actually acknowlede it. Tsubasa got fidgety, tried to hide her face in some way to not make the blush too obvious. Of course, her behavior only attributed to making a fool out of herself.

But as her eyes fell on Kanade, a shiver ran through her. She regarded her with such anger, she was scared Kanade would attack her.

_She knows you like her, and she uses this to manipulate you._

"I have to go now," Maria spoke. "We'll see each other in a few weeks, alright?"

Tsubasa fought down her feeling of dejection. She wanted to talk to her a bit more, damnit! Ask her questions, just listen to her voice! She loved her voice.

But Maria packed up her stuff and with a final goodbye, left the room, and, Tsubasa assumed, the house not long after.

Kanade sighed. "You see now? I told you she just wants to control you!"

No, she was wrong!

Tsubasa wanted to say something in return, shut her up, but she could only stutter: "B… but…"

"No buts! Look at you! You look amazing! You wanted to impress her, but all she said was 'looks good'? She doesn't care about you. She wants to control you!"

She was wrong!

"She forced pills down your throat that knocked you the fuck out, don't you see?"

Wrong!

"And just now? She gave you even more! Do you really think anyone who loves you would do that?"

Was she wrong?

"Why do you think she asked about your nightmares? I bet she used the pills to control your mind, and those nightmares are a side effect."

Maybe she wasn't wrong?

"Believe me, Tsubasa, I only want what's best for you, you know that! You are so in love with that woman, you don't even realize how she controls you."

"But why?" came the careful question. "Why would she do that?"

"To keep us apart. Do you remember the first time you met her?"

Tsubasa nodded. How could she ever forget that day?

"Let me guess: She asked about me?"

It felt like her heart stopped for a solid second or two. Maria did ask about Kanade! She always found it strange that she did that, but never put two and two together until now. "You… you don't mean…"

"Oh, I do! She did it all just to tear us apart! Who knows who's in it, too."

Could it be? Was Kanade right all along and Maria just tried to trick her? It could not be! Maria was so nice, so beautiful. How could she?

"I am sorry, Tsubasa, but you know it's true."


	13. Downwards

It was almost deadly quiet. A few days of taking the pills every morning and evening made Kanade shut up. Now the woman was doing nothing more than observe her.

Tsubasa spent most of her time in her room. She listened to music, played games on her PC, or watched YouTube videos or porn. As long as no one was bothering her, everything was fine. She just wanted to be alone.

She didn't want to see anyone.

Honestly, her father taking her out of school was the best thing that idiot ever did, which spoke volumes regarding his abilities, really. Now she could do whatever the fuck she wanted, in her little room. Alone.

It felt good.

A knock on her door interrupted one of the best flicks she has ever seen. It was a foreign one, american, it seemed. It was uncensored, none of that dumb pixel shit, and the bitch in the video could take it like none other. But of course, she had to stop at the best part. The world hated her, after all.

She closed the video and opened the door. "What?" she grumbled out.

It was her father, of course. Who else would annoy her like this?

"I am going shopping, and you are coming with me," he demanded. He wore his jacket already, ready to go out.

"And why would I?"

"Because you've been sitting in your room for days. You need some fresh air."

Tsubasa rolled her eyes and groaned. Of course, he did not ask her if she wanted. Why would he? He didn't care. No one did, just like always. They just forced whatever they wanted onto her.

And she hated it.

"Get ready, please. I'll be waiting."

With an angry look she shut the door. Fine, if it shut him up, she would humor him and come with him. But she needed pants for that. At home, she got into the habit of only wearing underwear and a loose shirt, but when someone forced her out of the house, she had to dress adequate.

And she hated it.

She picked out a pair of jeans from her floor. It would do. It was most likely dirty, but who gave a shit? She hadn't showered in days, either. No reason to.

Her eyes darted over to Kanade in the corner. She regarded her with a sorrowful look. Tsubasa hated when she did that.

"You haven't said a word in days. Don't you fucking dare to look at me like this!"

But she did. In fact, it seemed her look became even more worried.

"I know what you are thinking." She stomped over to the table and grabbed her pack of pills. "You think those things are at fault, right? You told me they change me. Maria did, too. But I have to take them." She clenched her empty hand into a shaking fist. "Why aren't you saying anything?" Her vision started to blur as tears ran down her cheeks. "I hate this," she whispered.

Again, Kanade said nothing. She just looked.

With a frustrated groan the young girl threw the pack of pills through her room and stormed out. Her father was waiting at the front door, checking something on his phone. E-Mails, maybe.

Tsubasa stepped into her slippers. Her father wanted to say something to her, but she was out of the house so quickly, he had no other choice but to walk after her.

"Tsubasa, what's wrong," he asked. His voice was thick with concern.

"Where are we going?"

A sigh. "Buying groceries. I need some stuff for dinner tonight."

She wiped the remaining wetness of her tears of her face, and with more force than necessary, opened the car door. She wanted to get this shit over with as fast as possible. Just left alone, by herself.

The drive was hauntingly silent. Her father tried to strike up a conversation one, maybe two times, but she did not reply. Didn't feel like it. A look into the rearview mirror showed Kanade sitting on the back seat, again, silent. Just looking on, judging her. And it pissed her off to no end.

Then, they arrived at their destination. That big convenience store her father went to whenever they needed something. Or rather, when he thought they needed something. She went to it herself every now and then, back in the day. When she still gave a shit about that crap. Not anymore.

She also didn't care about what the people thought she passed inside. She was unkempt, unshaven, wore dirty clothes and did not shower for a few days at least. And she had no desire to change anything about it. Yes, they looked at her weird, yes, she smelled, but no, she did not care. In fact, she liked how the people regarded her, how her mere presence seemed to annoy them. Let them hate her. The feeling was mutual, after all.

Her father walked between isles with his shopping cart, picking up food, spices and other condiments for that dumb dinner. He greeted one or two people he crossed paths with, while Tsubasa was trotting behind, avoiding eye contact and ignoring the annoying voices directed towards her. She just wanted to go home and be by herself.

Alone with Kanade.

At least, she would have loved to. But Kanade didn't speak to her anymore. Because of those damn pills. They were supposed to help her, Maria said. So why did she feel like complete shit lately? Everyone pissed her off, everything annoyed her.

Was there a way out of this feeling?

"Okay," her father spoke, pulling her out of her thoughts, "we need vegetables and fish."

Well, get it then. That were her thoughts. He was the one dragging her with him, for fuck's sake. She'd much rather stay in her room, door locked, lights turned off, in front of her PC. Why did the entire world seem to be out to kick her in the ass?

Dragged into the vegetable isle, she silently crossed her arms and waited for her father to finish his shopping quickly. That may would have happened, if her uncle didn't happen to buy food at the same time, in the same _fucking_ store. Seriously, did the world just hate her?

"Yatsuhiro," his deep booming voice sounded through the store, "that's a surprise. How are you doing?"

Her father looked up from the basket of daikon, scanning his surroundings to find the source of the very familiar voice. When he finally saw the muscular frame of his brother some into view, they greeted each other with smiles and laughter.

"Gen! That is indeed a surprise. A very pleasant one. I'm doing fine. How about you?"

Great. Small talk. Hours of pointless crap being thrown about.

"Oh, good, but busy." He spotted Tsubasa behind his brother and waved at her. "Hey, little one. How are you?"

A disgruntled huff was the only reply she was willing to give.

"Is she okay?" Gen asked, scanning her appearance.

Yatsuhiro shook his head in sadness. "No. But that's not something I am willing to discuss in public. I hope you understand."

Gen threw the girl a final look, before nodding. "Of course."

"So, anyway, how about you? We haven't talked in a while." It was obvious he wanted to change the subject, and fast.

Genjuro was silent for a second. He seemed to still have questions, but he respected his older brother's wishes. "Well, I am going to become a father."

"Really? I didn't know you found yourself a woman. That's great news!"

But Genjuro laughed and shook his head. "No, no, nothing like that. You know I'm married to my work. No, I am adopting."

Yatsuhiro's eyes became the size of dinner plates. "Adopt? No way! How come I haven't heard about that yet?"

"Well, that is related to my work. I wasn't allowed to talk about it while investigations were ongoing."

"Oh," was the short, surprised reply. "But now you can talk about it?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Though if I may use your words: That's not something I am willing to discuss in public."

"Well, I am currently shopping for dinner. I could prepare for one more, if you got the time."

He seemed to consider his answer for a second, before nodding. "Yeah, why not? I was about to buy myself some microwave dinner like the last few weeks. Some real food would be a welcomed change."

Finally, after what felt like hours, her father and her uncle waited in line. Tsubasa hated being locked in between people and shopping carts, and that annoying brat nagging his mother about candy directly behind her did the rest to piss her off.

She tried to focus on the conversation the two adults had. Maybe she could block out this infernal noise.

"Is it a boy or a girl you're adopting?", Yatsuhiro asked his younger brother. Seemed like they were back at the topic of the adoption.

"It's a girl. Cute little thing. Around twelve years old. Lost her parents when she was little."

Yatsuhiro seemed to struggle with his words, not sure what to say. "Oh, wow, I… I'm sorry. That poor girl. It must have been hard for her."

Gen, his visage dark, shook his head and replied: "You don't even know half of it."

Yatsuhiro was again uncertain what to say. He seemed to try and lighten the mood, because he turned around to his daughter and said: "Seems like you'll get a cousin you can hang out with."

Honestly, she couldn't give less of a fuck if she wanted to. And she really wanted to. Who cares about some random cunt she never met? That girl was probably retarded anyway.

Oh, God, could this goddamned kid behind her shut **_THE FUCK UP?_**

"I don't care," Tsubasa grumbled.

"I've never seen her like this," Gen said concerned. "She worries me."

His brother nodded, followed by a sigh. "Me too. But we are seeking help for her. I will tell you all about it at home."

That dumb kid behind her still yelled like crazy! She decided to get a better look at that annoying shit. Some six-year-old brat, crying like the bitch he was. The desire to strangle that piece of shit was overwhelming. Or at least beating his dumb little face in until he was quiet. Yeah, that would have been nice.

But no, he kept nagging and nagging and bitching and whining to his mother, and that dumb slut just stands there, looking at her phone. Probably was checking the messages from her pimp or whatever. She probably did not even notice how annoying her brat of an inbred shit was.

She had to do something.

"For fuck's sake, shut the hell up, you brat! You're not getting shit, so just be quiet!"

The entire store fell silent. It was almost eerie, as if all life in the world stopped existing at once. The boy hid behind his mother, eyeing Tsubasa scared. His mother looked up from her phone, finally, to give her a look of pure shock.

It was then she felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her around.

"What are you doing?" her father's highly confused voice came. "You can't just say that!"

"He was crying all the time! It is fucking annoying!" she argued.

"That still does not give you the right to just yell at the little boy!"

Tsubasa turned around to the kid. He still looked at her with those annoying, tearful eyes. God, she _hated_ him.

And then, she said something, so matter-of-fact, so content with herself, that if her father did not react as quickly as he did and pulled her out of the store, her statement would have become a reality: "I am going to hit him."


	14. Attitude Adjustment

His brother's revelation rested heavily on his shoulders. Involuntarily, his vision darted out of the kitchen, as if it could reach around the corner towards Tsubasa's room. He was unsure how to reply to what he just heard, causing the room to fall into an eerie silence. When he finally spoke, it was not very articulate, but entirely accurate.

"That's fucked, man."

Yatsuhiro looked down into his coffee cup and nodded. "Yeah. It hurts me to see her like this. Every time I look into her face I want to cry."

"And that Dr. Eve can help her, you said?" Genjuro eyes the smartphone with which his brother did a call to the woman not a minute after the situation in the store.

"I hope," he sighed. "The pills she gave her seemed to have worked in regards to her hallucinations, but this outburst was something else. She never did that before."

"God, I did not know what to think back there. I don't want to imagine what would have happened if you didn't react when you did."

"I saw the look in her eyes," Yatsuhiro said, resting his elbows on the table and his face in his raised hands. "She wanted to hit the kid. If I did not pull her away, she would have hurt the boy, no doubts about it." His shoulders started to shake as he tried to fight the tears. "That's not my little girl."

Genjuro hastily rounded the table and put his arm around his brother's shoulders for comfort. "If I can help you two in any way, please, just ask."

"Thank you," Yatsuhiro said, trying to collect himself. He didn't like showing this much emotion in front of his family.

Genjuro shifted his attention to the kitchen clock. "I hope she'll get here soon."

The second he sat a cursing Tsubasa into his car, he pulled out his phone and gave Maria a call. As he told her what happened, she grew increasingly concerned and agreed to drive over to see the girl immediately. This was fifteen minutes ago.

"Yeah, she should be here any minute now," Yatsuhiro sighed out.

"I still don't know what to think. So, she hung out with a girl that was only in her head? Don't take this the wrong way, but that sounds like something you'd see in movies."

Yatsuhiro nodded. "I remember the day her teacher called me. It was the day after she skipped school. She told me she saw Tsubasa yell at nothing. I was so confused at first. She told me Tsubasa said she argued with a friend, but there was no one there besides my little girl at the tree where she always sits."

"And the teacher suggested to contact this Dr. Eve?"

"Yeah. She told me she knew a child psychiatrist and asked me if she could call her to take a look at Tsubasa."

"And she figured out what was wrong with her?"

"Not at first. She talked to her a few times, trying to open her up, you see? Luckily, Tsubasa is rather fond of her, so she trusted her, told her about what happened."

Genjuro arched an eyebrow. He knew Tsubasa, she was always a quiet girl, not one for just talking to people. And that Eve managed to get her to spill the beans, so to speak? "Seems like the woman knows her craft…" His voice trailed off at the end, lost in thought.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I told you about the girl earlier…"

"Oh, I am so sorry," Yatsuhiro interrupted him, "you wanted to tell me about her."

His brother shook his head. "Don't be. Tsubasa is more important right now. But I was thinking, that maybe this Dr. Eve can take a look at my future daughter, you know? I wanna help her as best as I can, after all."

"Do you want to tell me what happened to her?" Yatsuhiro asked carefully.

Genjuro sighed out. "Well, you remember I told you it was related to my work. We investigated a drug trafficking organization. Turned out, the deeper we dug, the worse it got. It wasn't just trafficking drugs. They smuggled guns, they forced women into prostitution. And not just adult women."

Yatsuhiro's eyes almost bulged out of his head when he realized what his brother implied. "Holy shit", he whispered in shock.

Genjuro nodded. "She went through a lot. She has no family, no parents. When I saw her, so scared, my heart just broke. You should have seen her eyes. There was so much sadness in them, I just wanted to hug her, you know? Immediately, I asked if it was possible that I could adopt her. Of course, I'll have to wait after the medical check-up, and then I wanted to recommend Ms. Eve to the doctors there, if possible."

Finally, after a few more minutes, the doorbell rang. It was Maria. She quickly greeted Yatsuhiro and Genjuro and immediately asked questions to assess the situation. She grew more and more concerned the more she heard of what happened, and decided to talk to the young girl.

"Basa?" she called out through the door, "it's me, Maria. I want to talk to you. Can you open the door?" Maria knew her door wasn't actually locked, of course. But she wanted Tsubasa herself to initiate, to show her she trusted her.

Maria heard movement from behind the door, steps growing closer, and finally, the door opened. A disheveled young girl stood there, eyeing her for maybe a second longer than needed, as if she had to make sure her eyes did not play tricks on her. Quickly, she stepped aside to allow Maria to enter.

"Thank you," Maria said with a tiny smile. She took a seat on Tsubasa's bed, letting her vision dart around the room. It was dirty. Clothes everywhere, dust in the corners, dishes and old food on the desk. Tsubasa did not look better. Her hair was a mess, and the items she wore looked like they haven't seen a washing machine in days.

The young girl took a seat at her desk, before Maria asked: "How do you feel?"

"Okay," Tsubasa replied.

"Are you sure?" Maria asked concerned. "Your father told me you yelled at a child today."

Tsubasa sighed and fell back into her chair. "I was just angry at that shit, okay? He was yelling like crazy and I just wanted him to stop. And that fucking bitch of a mother did nothing!"

"You don't mean it," Maria intervened.

Tsubasa huffed in reply. "She was ignoring him. What else should I have done?"

"Not insult him, for one, don't you think?"

"He deserved it," she grumbled out, crossing her arms.

Maria sighed. She studied the girl for a second time, paid attention to how she moved, how her eyes looked, anything that would give her a hint about what was wrong with her. "How do you feel?" she asked her again.

Tsubasa sighed. "Okay, yeah, I don't feel so good, okay?"

"How so?"

"Everything and everyone just pisses me off. I wish the entire world would just disappear."

"Hm," replied Maria. She scanned the girl's desk. She was looking for something. "How is your hallucination?"

Tsubasa's eyes darted over into the far corner of her room, opposite the door. Kanade stood there, her eyes fixated on her, as if throwing daggers from them. "She is silent."

"But still there?" Maria confirmed.

Tsubasa nodded. "Yeah. I doesn't really matter where I am, she is always there, somewhere."

"So, you still take the pills then?"

"I do, yeah", Tsubasa said. She reached behind the monitor of her desktop pc and pulled out the box of her medicine. It was open, and a good number of pills were missing.

Maria smiled warmly. She was honestly concerned if Tsubasa would keep taking them. She heard about many cases where patients thought the pills were poison or something similarly lethal, forcing the doctors to resort to tricks and deception.

"I want you to stop taking them."

Tsubasa, her face full of surprise and shock, looked at Maria like she was the insane one. "What?" was her short reaction.

"I believe the reason why you feel so bad is because of those pills. And I don't want you do feel even worse and then maybe do something you would regret later. So, I want you to stop taking the pills. Just for a few weeks, to see if it changes anything."

Tsubasa pointed over to the corner of the room. "But… what would happen with Kanade?"

Maria kept her eyes focused on the young girl. "She will most likely speak to you again. But that's why I want you to come over to my office once a week starting next Monday."

Tsubasa was concerned. She should stop taking the pills? Kanade was silent for days now, what would she say when she spoke again? Would she be angry? Disappointed? Sad?

"Don't worry," Maria said, pulling the girl out of her thoughts. "Everything will be okay. And you have my number. If something happens never hesitate to call me, okay?"

The young girl was still hesitant, but nodded. She put the package of pills back behind the monitor, and asked: "What… what if she says things again I don't want her to say?"

"Tell her," Maria replied. "She is not you, remember that. She might be in your head, but she doesn't control you."

Tsubasa's eyes darted back towards Kanade. She was scared of her starting talking again. Who knew what she would say?

Maria pulled out a little notepad and pencil. "I want you to come to my office next Tuesday. I was to supervise your progress a bit better." She scribbled the time and date down and handed the ripped-out page to Tsubasa.

"Okay," the young girl replied.

Maria smiled at her, but her eyes conveyed a trace of sadness. "I am sorry, Basa. But I will help you get through this, don't worry."

Tsubasa felt a tug at her heartstrings. How was this woman so beautiful and perfect? A sting in her eyes made her aware that she was about to cry. But she didn't want to, not in front of Maria!

"Tsubasa?" came Maria's concerned voice. "What's wrong?"

Quickly wiping her eyes, she said: "I… I don't know."

She heard Maria get up from the bed and approach her. She felt her hand on her shoulder as the woman kneeled before her and spoke: "Don't worry about it. Crying is good. So just go ahead."

But Tsubasa did not keep crying. Instead, she took the opportunity to do something she wanted to do since she knew the woman. Something that took Maria by surprise: She snaked her arms around the woman's neck and pulled her into a tight embrace.

For a few seconds, Maria was pretty much speechless. Slowly, carefully, she raised her other hand and put it on the young girl's other shoulder. "Tsu… Tsubasa?"

Tsubasa let the feeling of the warmth and softness of Maria's skin wash over her. The feeling of Maria's cheek on her own, her back under her hands… It was bliss. Tsubasa took a shaky breath, taking in the intoxicating smell of the woman's hair and body. She wanted to never let go.

But she had to. She felt a gentle push on her shoulders, and heard Maria call her name again. She fought down the urge to hug her even tighter, and instead, with every inch of her body begging her not to, let go of Maria and leaned back into her chair again. "I… I am sorry."

Maria's hand trailed over Tsubasa's cheek as she said: "Don't be. You did nothing wrong. Just… just ask me next time, okay? You surprised me a bit."

Tsubasa did not dare to look her into the eyes. She simply nodded in embarrassment.

And as such, she missed Maria's gentle smile as she got up and turned to leave the room. "See you on Tuesday."

Yatsuhiro almost seemed to jump out of the kitchen when he heard Maria leave Tsubasa's room. "How is she?"

Maria joined the two men at the kitchen table. "Bad. Her hallucinations are in check; however, it seems she suffers from depression. The problem is, the pills she took to deal with Kanade have the side effect of worsening existing depression."

"Poor girl…" Yatsuhiro sighed.

"I told her to stop taking the pills for the time being. That will make Kanade active again and interact with her again, so be warry of that. I told her to come visit me in my office on Tuesday at 2 in the afternoon. I want to keep an eye on her. She is very on edge."

"Of course, doctor. We will be there," Tsubasa's father replied.

Maria threw a quick look at her watch and decided it was time to leave. She was about to say her goodbye and leave the house, when Genjuro said to her: "Oh, doctor, there is something I want to talk to you about, if you got the time."


	15. Back Again

Was there a name for the feeling that took hold of her? Forlornness, maybe, in every sense of the word. The sun stood high, but even out here, in the yard of her house, everything looked dark and colorless. The birds singing, for other people a symphony of joy, sounded like the screams of the dead to her.

Scream. She would have loved to do that. But she felt like she screamed a thousand times already, and never reached any hearing ears. Her throat hurt by now.

She stopped taking the pills two days ago. So far, no real changes. But really, what did she expect? A miracle? That the moment she stopped taking this cursed medicine her world was bright again? Fuck, no.

But she hoped, still.

Her vision wandered to the seat next to hers at the white garden table. Kanade was sitting there, seemingly relaxed. Her eyes were open, staring into the sky, never blinking. It was weird.

Tsubasa did not know what to think of that. When she appeared, she seemed like a normal girl, when she started taking those pills, she distanced herself. And now it seemed she was getting closer, but acted strange and weirdly disturbing.

Tsubasa decided to ignore her, as best as one can ignore a person one's mind could place where ever it wanted.

Tuesday.

She could not await the day to arrive. It seemed like Maria was the only thing bringing some kind of light into her life; her personal sun.

Damn, she sounded so stupid. She was fully aware of that. Nothing would ever happen between them, nothing. And why would it? She didn't deserve Maria. Maria was perfect. Tsubasa wasn't. She didn't deserve happiness.

She deserved suffering.

She knew that. And she was suffering right now. Locked in the cage she called her life. Hungry for a ray of light, but forever starving.

She sighed. Tiredness overtook her bones. The last few days she seemed to be exhausted around the clock. She could fall asleep right now, if it wasn't for her mind going two hundred miles an hour for some reason.

Her eyes darted back to the girl next to her, like every few seconds. Maria said she would be talking to her again. In her mind, a million scenarios were created. Would she be angry? Happy? Sad? She honestly had absolutely no idea.

And what would the Tuesday bring, the appointment, where she would see Maria again? Well, naughty thoughts, for one. That much was for certain. She imagined what she would be wearing, how they would talk, and laugh, maybe, and possibly, it would lead to more. She imagined the two kissing, touching. She knew it was wishful thinking, but right now, she relished in the thought.

Her eyelids became heavier again. Sometimes the world before her eyes seemed to wash away, the sounds of her surroundings muffling. A sudden jerk went through her body for some reason, before her eyes closed again, and she finally drifted off into sleep.

She woke up more exhausted than before she fell asleep. She found herself tangled and turned in seemingly impossible ways, causing her back and shoulders to cry out in pain as she tried to straighten herself and stretch.

"Did you sleep well?"

Tsubasa groaned as she tried to get up from the chair. "No. I feel like shit."

"Where are you going?"

"Inside," she replied. "I am hungry."

With painful steps she made her way into the house, beelining towards the kitchen. Her stomach growled heavily, demanding to be filled.

"Wow, I heard that, even."

She entered the kitchen, and quickly pulled open the fridge. "What did you expect?" she answered. "I haven't eaten all day." Her eyes scanned over the food. Juice and fruit; fish and eggs. Some slices of meat were there, wrapped up nicely.

"Those bananas don't look so bad."

Tsubasa sighed. They really didn't. "Yeah, I guess you're right, I guess I'll have one." She reached into the fridge.

"Tsubasa?" a familiar voice called out.

She froze. Her vision turned to the left, to the kitchen table. Her father regarded her with a worried look. She didn't even notice he was in the room! Slowly, it dawned on her what happened.

"Y… yes?" she asked carefully.

Her father wanted to walk up to her from the seat on his table, but stopped midmovement. It seemed like he reconsidered, not knowing how to handle this situation.

Involuntarily, Tsubasa's eyes wandered around the room. No one else was there, only her and her dad. So, who was she talking to?

"Is… is she back again?" he asked.

Was she? Tsubasa talked to someone, she was sure. She heard _something_ talked to her. But did it sound like Kanade?

Her confusion must have been written all over her face. Her father approached her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. "It's okay, honey. Maria told me this would happen. It's okay, I am here for you."

Her smile was uncertain, as she replied: "Thank you."

* * *

The banana was not filling in the slightest. Sure, it might have quenched her hunger a bit, but just two hours later she could feel her stomach grumble again. She didn't want to get up, however. Sitting in front of her PC, surfing the internet, she loved it.

Mostly because it kept the voice at bay.

"Still hungry, are ya?"

Or not.

Tsubasa sighed. She really wanted to ignore the voice, but something in her head urged her to reply. She turned around, towards where she perceived the voice, and answered: "Your questions are really annoying."

"Oh, I know," Kanade replied with a crooked grin. She hesitated for a bit; her face seemed thoughtful. She leaned back onto her hands on Tsubasa's bed and said: "I missed ya."

"It's only been a few weeks," Tsubasa grumbled.

"Well, those weeks were shit. I thought I'd never see you again. I warned you about that bitch."

Tsubasa rolled her eyes. Here it was again.

"Don't give me that look. You know I am right. You saw what she did."

"No," Tsubasa replied with simmering anger in her voice. "I do not know."

"Oh, you do. You just don't want to believe it because you're crazy about her. You were a wreck the last days, goddammit! That was not you!"

"You know, I really did not miss your constant bitching." Tsubasa could feel the anger in her rising even more.

"When will you see her again?"

"You are in my head. You know when."

Kanade groaned. "Goddammit, girl. Why are you so difficult all of a sudden? Just answer the fucking question!"

"Tuesday," she sighed out.

"Alright. I'll come with. You'll see I am right. I was right about your grandfather, wasn't I?"

Tsubasa did not really feel like humoring her, so she simply shrugged her shoulders. "Lucky guess."

"Yeah, no, fuck you too. You know damn well I knew what was going on. Imagine what would have happened if you didn't give him this lecture! And why did you give it to him? Because I warned you about him!"

Now it was Tsubasa's turn to groan out in frustration. She wanted to reply something, but decided Kanade wasn't worth any more words. So, she played a video and put on her headphones, turning the volume up to maximum, in the hopes of drowning out Kanade and her rumbling stomach.

"You'll see that I am right."


	16. Don't Leave Me Alone

"Good morning, sunshine," came her father's voice through the fog of sleep. Tsubasa groaned out and stretched herself a bit. She could still feel a bit of stiffness in her shoulders from when she fell asleep in the yard. She didn't want to wake up.

"Get up, you lazy bum," came another voice. Kanade's.

Tsubasa sighed out, the exhaustion she felt before going to sleep returning. Now she really didn't want to get up. She looked over to the corner of the room, where the redhead seemed to have found her favorite spot. Kanade motioned with her hands to get up and get ready. It stressed Tsubasa out.

Her father seemed to notice. He stepped further into her room and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, don't worry," he said calmly. "Tomorrow we will visit Maria. Everything will be alright, I promise."

Tsubasa sighed out after taking a deep breath. Her back cracked a bit as her lungs extended.

"Listen, honey," her father began. He got down on his knees next to her bed. "I got to drive over to your grandfather. He wanted to discuss… stuff."

Tsubasa arched a tired eyebrow upon his hesitation. Kanade laughed humorless.

"I don't know when I will be back. Can I leave you alone for a few hours?"

Involuntarily, Tsubasa's sleep-heavy eyes focused on the girl her mind drew into her room. There were those weirdly piercing eyes again, seemingly looking all the way into her soul. And maybe they did. Kanade's face was tense. Tsubasa was sure that the moment her father left the house, Kanade would bombard her with questions and dumb remarks.

She didn't want to be alone, honestly. Not with her. Tsubasa was afraid of Kanade's mood swings. One moment she was supportive and strangely polite, the next she laid into her like she ran over her dog or something.

Seemed her brain really hated her.

She nodded, though. Not like they both had any choice. When that **_shithead_** of a grandfather wanted something, he got it. Why can't he just **_fucking die already?_**

She shut her eyes tightly. She didn't want to think that way.

"Okay," her father sighed. It was clear he was concerned about leaving her alone. But he had to. He gave her a kiss on the top of the head, before leaving the room.

"Finally, he's gone."

Tsubasa threw her a short, angry look, but stayed silent.

"So, what you wanna do today?"

Tsubasa raised herself out of bed slowly. Her back screamed in pain during every movement. Especially when she raised her arms to put on a not quite as dirty shirt, her spine seemed to be set ablaze.

"Listen to music. Alone," she forced out under pain.

"Tomorrow you'll see the bitch, right?"

"Tomorrow I'll see _Maria_ , yes," Tsubasa spat out.

"You gonna fuck her?"

Tsubasa groaned out in frustration. "No, that's not why I'll go there. You know that."

"Yeah, and that's why you're never getting laid. Or amass to anything, really. You're a coward."

Another groan. "Would you just shut your fucking mouth already?"

"What, can't handle the truth? Little baby gonna cry?"

Honestly, yes, she was about to, because she felt anger in a capacity she didn't even know she was capable of. Her fists shook, her jaw hurt from clenching her teeth as hart as she could.

"See? That's what I mean. Can't even handle getting laid into."

"Shut the fuck up! Shut up!" Tsubasa yelled from the top of her lungs. "I hate you! Leave me alone! Leave my head! Die! _Die!_ _ **Die!"**_

The room fell silent. The only noise was her heavy breathing as she desperately filled her lungs with air. Her throat felt like it was on fire.

And then, Kanade spoke: "There it is. Finally, you show your true nature. I knew you had it in ya."

"I hate this," the young girl whispered. "I hate everything about it. I hate what you're saying. I hate how you never shut up. I hate it. I hate _you._ I hate…" She closed her eyes, trying to no avail to fight down the tears finally running free. "I hate my life."

A humorless laugh reached her ears.

"Oh, I bet. Look at what you have. No life, no friends, a dumb crush on some gaijin cunt. But hey, the house is great. Way to fucking go."

Tsubasa felt the tears rushing down her face onto the carpet. She willed her legs not to give, to stand strong, but it became increasingly more difficult.

"Oh, and you want me dead? Tough shit, because you are stuck with me for the rest of your pathetic life. It's not like I am jumping in joy, either."

Tsubasa couldn't take it anymore. She had to get out of this situation, away from the monster in her head. With teary eyes, she dashed out of her room.

"Yes, run away," Kanade called after her. "It won't help you."

She kept running blindly, her tears blurring her vision. She had no destination, besides as far away as possible from Kanade and her painful words.

She didn't get far. Something strangely soft blocked her path, and she fell back on her butt.

"Tsubasa!" came the concerned voice of her father. She seemed to have run into him. "Tsubasa, are you okay?"

She pushed herself into his arms. "Can I come with, please?"

She could feel her father stroking her hair gently. She didn't dare to look up towards him, otherwise he would be able to see the crying mess she was right now.

"Oh, honey," he began, carefully reciprocated her hug. "Of course, you can. Your grandfather will be happy to see you."

That was a lie, she knew it. After the stunt she pulled last time, there would be no way in hell he'd be glad in any capacity to see his freak granddaughter. And she didn't want to see him, either. After all, he was a **_fucking bastard._** But anything was better than being alone with the demon in her head.

She looked past her father, down the small hallway. Kanade was standing at the other end, looking at her, judging her. It scared her.

"Please," she asked her dad again.

The drive was silent. Well, aside from Kanade's stupid questions and remarks whenever she saw an attractive girl on the street.

She cursed her suppressed sexuality.

It made sense, right? If Kanade was a part of her fucked up mind, her desires and fears would be voiced through her, wouldn't it?

A few more turns and they will reach the mansion of her grandfather again. What will he say when he sees her? He knows about her… condition, after all.

"Who cares? Just tell him to shut his old ass up."

Tsubasa could not fight a groan.

"Are you okay?" came the voice from her father.

Tsubasa thought about just waving him off, but decided to give a clear answer: "She is saying stuff again."

"I'm sorry, honey. I wish I could help you."

She sighed. Kanade sighed.

"We will be at your grandfather's in a minute. I try and make it quick, okay?"

"Didn't you say it'll take a few hours?" was Tsubasa's exhausted reply.

"Yes, but that was when I thought you would be okay to be alone. I'll see if I can talk him into cutting it short."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Kanade added. "The only things short about this guy are his stamina and his dick."

Tsubasa had to groan again. "Just shut up," she whispered.

She was sighing in relief when her father finally pulled the car into the driveway of her grandfather's house.

Behind her, Kanade let out an impressed whistle and said: "Man, this motherfucker must have got a baby dick to compensate that hard. Did it fall off sometime, or something?"

She chose to ignore her.

She and her father were greeted by the guards flanking the massive entrance door. Walking through the massive hallways again made her feel small, insignificant, as if the walls could suffocate her at any moment.

"This place gives me the creeps."

Tsubasa was inclined to agree. The paintings and statues were the same as last time and all the times before, but right now they seemed to remind her and everyone visiting whose lion den they stepped into. One wrong move, one negligence, one misstep, and you would never be heard from again.

Okay, now she was honestly exaggerating.

They reached the door to the room in which most certainly the **_old geezer_** was twiddling his old, dry thumbs. Her father turned around to her.

"It'll only be a few minutes, okay? Do you want to come in too, or do you want to wait?"

Honestly, she didn't know. Does she want to see her grandfather? No. He will just insult her and her father, call them failures and what not. Does she want to wait out here, with Kanade? Also no. She was scared of being alone with her. But right now, it felt like the lesser of two evils. She sighed.

"I'll wait."

Her father gave her a silent nod, concern evident on his face. But he trusted her. He knocked on the door, and waited until it was opened by someone behind it before he entered. When the door fell into the lock, an eerie silence filled the house, not unlike a grave.

"So," Kanade spoke. "Why don't we have a look around? Maybe we'll find some spicy secrets."


End file.
